Non-zero Sum Life

A tap on the shoulder, "Dean-san, sorry to bother you during this busy time."

I turned from my PC monitor and found my coworker standing beside me with an ornate box of biscuits.

She offered the box, "It's my last day today, thank you for all the times you helped me out with our project."

"Thank you as well, for being patient with me and my complicated explanations," I said with an earnest smile as I reached into the box and picked out a carefully wrapped morsel.

Apologetically, she explained that she will be trying something new in another company, and I rejoined with some nostalgic comments about her hard work and contributions to our project.

She is "majime", for sure: a Japanese quality she proved time-and-time again with her attention to detail, and thorough output. She was all that, as well as a warm presence in our team in her polite and ever cheerful manner.

I will miss her. And I am also jealous.

I, too, want to find within me that wellspring of casual joy that can carry me through the endless days of deadlines and troubles. I want to knock those goals one after another with a real smile on my face. That's a good life, I think.

But nowadays, each step forward with one goal feels like 2 steps backward with another goal: finish the laundry, forget to take-out the trash; submit the revised specs, miss the project roadmap planning session; get some gym-time in, end up eating everything in the fridge.

Is life teaching me that you can't have everything? I refuse to believe it. There must be some combination of prioritization and scheduling(not to mention copious amounts of coffee) that will let me have that life well-lived. Maybe if I keep trying, each day, slowly increase my endurance, my tolerance, stretch out time, push my own limits, maybe, just maybe, I might. I've got the rest of my life to keep trying.

Just keep at it, and life can be sweet--exhausting, but sweet.

I unwrap the biscuit and take a hearty bite. I taste the rich fudge bits that complement the flakey maple crust that graze my teeth with a satisfying crunch. Another bite, also amazing, and then suddenly it's all gone

Photo credit: Biscuit
BGM: "Riu Riu Chiu" by King's College Choir, Cambridge