the Few

Courage is an alienated word nowadays. Aside from storybooks, rare police dramas, and the spirited recounting of war stories, I have yet to encounter this word in everyday life. Surely people know what being "courageous" means; it has fallen into misuse simply because the brave and the few have frankly gone fewer.

But there was a time when men bore stout hearts and an iron will, a time when convictions were worth dying for. This was the age of heroes, and for a few days each year we dust off the tomes of history and remember. Great deeds, noble sacrifice, incendiary passions that would spark revolutions weren't the stuff of fiction then, and they shouldn't be now. The blood of proud men courses through our veins still; we have only to live it.

And in this issue, we can make start for it. So why not head out and climb a mountain? Feast on exotic food? Tackle your fitness woes? Why not find the passion that lays dormant inside your heart?

It is the only way to live, the only way to partake of the bounty that is the world borne from the blood and tears of countless, nameless heroes.

Do it for them, for never was so much owed by so many to so few.

my cup runneth

I got a glimpse of how people act when they are alone and at their most earnest. Living in a dorm granted me a rare peek into how most people lived their lives. And I've stayed in 2 dorms since I've gotten here in Japan, so a sample size of roughly 30 men and women of varying sizes and ages should lend me an informed generalization on the average day-to-day of the average joe.

And personally, I was shocked to find out that the average joe spends his time in an average way.

Well "duh!", but give me a chance to explain.

By "average", I meant the humane, practical method of going about ones life: sleep when you're tired, go out when you feel like it, do chores when you can. Laugh, love, and live as you like.

But by "shock", I meant I wasn't being humane, nor practical about how I go about my own life: don't sleep enough, head out whenever I could, do as many chores as possible. Laugh, love, and live in every moment of every day.

I do all this because I look up to my friends who get things done. I can't help but feel this deep respect for people who handle things briskly. You can tell, they always have this crisp, business-like tone when they mention what they're currently up to. And I never hear them say "I wish I could." Instead, it's always "Next month I will" or "When I get this done I'll go and" or some variation thereof.

They actively participate in their lives. Instead of "I am alive", they would say "I live."

In my hopes to "live" here in Japan, I brought with me a paradigm of "If I want it, I'll do it" and this has taken me pretty far: I started singing the Psalms solo at the English Sunday mass as part of a Japanese choir; volunteered for a NPO in Shinjuku every Friday distributing various materials on health; took on the new dorm by installing new bulbs, cleaning up the storage and common areas, and taking-up network admin tasks; tackled the Editor in Chief position at the inter-company quarterly magazine.

All this in addition to the two company projects I'm working on at the same time for embedded systems and mobile development, daily exercise schedule, Japanese language studies, daily reading (currently halfway through "Kafka on the Shore") and writing (once a week, sorta) quota, and, of course, a bit of Diablo 3 on the side.

I get all this done somehow day by day, and I plan on doing even more soon. But when I saw how easy life can be with less to pursue, I saw the contrast and am completely, with all heart and soul, overcome by exhaustion, like the debt of all those long hours finally caught up with me.

So, I have to ask myself, am I doing it right? Or should I ask everyone else, are you living at all?

Photo credit: Sam Shere

kung Wari

Maari ba kitang mahalin nang pakunwari? Sadyang buksan ang dibdib, sadyang abutin ang nakaratay na puso, at buo itong hugutin at ibato sayong nakatalikod na anino? Buong malay kong ihahandog ang hubog ng aking kalooban, matinik, nakatayo nang alanganin, ngunit puro. Kabisado ko na ang masaktan, at ang maiwan sa arawan pati na rin ng ulan. Hindi ako umaasa, ako lamang ay sumusubok.

Susubukan ko lang naman matuklasan ka. Bibihisan ko ng pulang esposesa't ng bagong pitas na bulaklak ang iyong bawat salita, at kakabisaduhin ang unti-unting pag-ukit ng ngiti sa iyong mga labi. Ang marahan na pag-baling ng kabilugan ng iyong mga mata sa akin ay parang pagtawid ng buwan at ng araw sa langit, at gaya rin nila'y nagdudulot ng liwanag sa aking mga araw.

Sa mga araw na mainam kong aabutin ang layo at tarik mo, mag-iiwan ako ng mga mensahe sa mailap na hininga ng hangin. Hanapin mo ang lihim at lalim ng aking damdamin sa paghulog ng mga dahon, sa prosesyon ng mga nakapintang ulap sa langit. Sa nagkataon na pagkakataon, sa daplis ng daliri, sa nagkasabay na yapak, tunay ang maari.

At kung ano man ang iyong sagot, maaaring hindi ko na ito kailangan. Pinapadaloy ko na lamang ang dugo mula sa aking naka-bukang dibdib, sa naglaglagan na mga ugat, sa puso kong bahagya pa ring tumitibok. Na ikaw ang nakakapagpatibok, ako lamang ay nadamay.

OST: Cynthia Alexander - Dumaan Ako

blessed are the meek

Totally falling head over heels for guys here. There's still the guy from the facebook pictures, for whom I've decided to move on and away from since, though he's friendly, doesn't show any interest whatsoever. I got this picture of him though that made me think twice--still makes me think twice, make that thrice--about abandoning the guy. He cleans up really nice, I think. Also, I am uber-biased.

This other dude I met at the volunteer program. His name is Ryou, and I call him Ryou-kun when I talk to him, or when I whisper his name in the tender moments when I am alone and I remember his smile. He's 22, bit on the buff side like a young rugby player, but with a damn charming smile and a gentle, affectionate demeanor. Imagine having a sleepy bear that keeps nuzzling at you--that plus a charming smile. Haven't seen any fur to justify the metaphor, but for everyone's benefit (mostly mine), I intend to get a closer look.

We hung out after the volunteer event last sunday named "living together": sort of an AIDS mixer but with sharing and videoke and alcohol. It was fun and meaningful at the same time. My job was to play this 8-note tune on the xylophone after every song (much like the fanfare that plays when they post your score at videoke). My timing was awful since I had no idea when the songs would end, and often I interrupted the host. But hey! I'm a hapless foreigner and am easily forgiven.

We ate at this nearby place afterwards and talked (me with my garbled japanese) about the usual gay stuff that gay boys talk about when they're not busy looking for other boys. Such things as when you came out, top or bottom, have you ever tried it with a lit candle, the usual.

He came out at 17, to his little brother first; and his versa-though he prefers bottom; and not yet--mentally noted.

There were four of us, 2 sitting opposite while Ryou-kun and I were sitting beside each other. At some point, we talked about who among the volunteers was my type. I like my man slightly meaty, so when I got to Ryou-kun, in my assumption of how the Japanese subtly do it, I expressed my appreciation for him by not saying anything in particular--a thoughtful "sou desu ne(hmmm, is that so.)" was uttered, I believe--and with a bit of apprehension. Ako na ang puro't dalisay.

Ryou-kun asked me suddenly "Kareshi ga aru no?(Do you have a boyfriend)?" with a look of earnest interest. I was transfixed, but managed to say no somehow. The temptation of not saying anything at all and just have that magical evening pass with his Japanese eyes looking into mine definitely crossed my mind.

We moved on to this other guy "Tomacho-kun" who introduced me to the comic fest (of questionably content) that I enjoyed and am forever grateful for. I said he was "hontou ni omoshiroi (truly funny)" since he's a bit gruff, outspoken, but cute as a button. He was bit on the buff side too, and to that Ryou-kun concluded with an exasperated "Ah, Tomacho-kun".

I have the urge to correct his understanding of who I really liked, and I intend to on volunteer day this Friday; that and the actual volunteer work, of course.