just now, in my post-ransacked room, i realize how much of a klutz i really am.
tomorrow is enrollment and with the usual long lines, noisy crowds and stress, there's the issue of paperwork. well, i nearly ended up not having any, paperwork i mean, and god only knows what kind of hell i would have brought upon myself if i hadn't found this one page. sigh. funny, how something that can be so easily lost(thrown, eaten, burned, blown etc...) could be so important. stuff like these should have cases, chains, signs or something.
well, just like this piece of paper that holds so much importance to me, so have i lost my heart (eww.. i'll try to un-cheese this as much as possible).
i remember there was a point in time when i thought i was in love, i remember it was great, wonderful in fact. and i guess, i really was in love. it didn't work out though.
after that, there was this point of "what the hell happened?!?!", and i sorta stumbled through that. didn't do well for my grades though but i still managed. a great deal of thanks to great friends of course!
and now i find myself here... love-less still but i think a bit wiser. love, as it turned out, is very complicated. love could mean so many things to people. it could be solace or company or even pain.
but for me, love i think is a drive. its a drive to become something, i mean someone, better than yourself. its a choice to be bigger and more more open minded about what we do. its a change of perspective and priorities for sure, maybe a change for the better or for the worse, but a change based on what we currently think is what's right.
even though i feel no stirrings of the heart or what not, i miss it. and in missing it, i remember how it felt, this certain buzz that makes everything i do a little more "life-full". and here i am, i realize that maybe i don't have to love someone... maybe just being in love, doing things just because it makes me better for myself and for others, is just as good. you could say i'm falling in love with someone i haven't met yet.
he-he, you never know, maybe someday, all this pent up love of mine will be worth something to someone. until then, i guess looking for love is just the same as forcing it and love is certainly something you don't want to force.
yeah.. as it turns out, i found my heart again. i just would like to say sorry to a friend of mine. in that time when i was, hmm, for a lack of a better word, "heart-less", i hurt someones feelings. you see, i was beeing as honest as i can, but friends in need don't need honesty, they need help, a listening ear, a caring heart, a shoulder, etc. i wasn't that. i was confused and i said somethings i didn't mean and now, although me and my friend are still cool around each other.. there's this wall now. sigh...
i am klutz, in my things and in my life. people say though that realizing there's a problem is the first step to fixing it so i guess it ain't that bood. things are bount to look up.. hooray for me then!
