maudlin

Ansarap din maka-tsamba sa panaginip-sa-pagtulog ng panaginip-sa-paggising. Sa ilalim ng buwan at mga bituin, sa ilalim ng kapirasong kumot, sa likod ng talukap ng iyong mata naka-tanghal ang palabas ng mga mithiin mo at ikaw ang nag-iisang tagapanood, ang tanging nakakaintindi.

Ngayong paskong malamig, naisipan ng langit na i-regalo sa akin ang panaganip ng panaginip. Dito, sinalubong kita sa bintana ng aming sala. Naka-ngiti kang pumasok na parang matagal ka nang uma-akyat bahay, na parang sine ito at ikaw ang bispren kong kasya sa bintana ng aking kuwarto.

Kunwari'y galit ako sa iyo dahil sa tagal kong paghihintay dito para sa iyo, napawi ang tampo sa saglit na pagtagpo ng ating mga mata.

Naglakad tayo palabas ng bahay, sa mundo ng pansamantalang takipsilim, at nagusap, nagtawanan at napalapit.

Ngunit napunta tayo sa isang malaking kuweba, sa kabilang dulo nakatayo ang ating mga kalaban. May ilang sandaling lumipas, sa kanilang tingin nakalakip ang hamon, at nang walang imik kanyang-kanyang sinimulan ang ritwal na hudyat ng bakbakan.

At saka nagtapos ang palabas ng aking mithiin, nagsara ang tanghalan at bumukas ang aking mata sa mundo kung saan iisa lang ang salita para sa pangarap at panaginip.

fortuity, cadillacs and calendars

After waking up and busily cleaning up the heap o' junk sitting on my desk, all the while immersing myself in morning music, I found a scrap of paper that said "DayDreamCycle - Roses and Cadillacs". The local band probably won't be anywhere on Limewire so I went and picked at Google's engines hoping to score. Lo' and behold, I ended up with much more!

I found her and she filled my morning with beautiful music. I'd try to take the song with me but the quality doesn't seem so clear (and my conscience has somehow learned to gnaw at me effectively), so instead I galumphed around her site.

I found her desktop then. It, too, was beautiful, but what caught my eye was an interesting calendar stuck to the wallpaper. Didn't look like some cheap-ass copy paste job on the wallpaper image itself so off I went to tickle Google's engines anew.

I've got the calendar now, although I'm not sure this is the one. Whatever it is, it came just in time to alleviate my schedule problems. Lucky me.

EDIT: It WAS that calendar, but with this skin. I can't help but be amazed by my Googling skills.

Prim and proper is bad for your health

A recent research suggests that sitting in that oh-so-respectable 90º may have been a leading factor to man's most common ailment: backpain.

Research done by Dr. Waseem Amir Bashir, a radiologist from the University of Alberta Hospital in Canada, shows that "the reclined 135-degree position is the ideal sitting position because it actually is similar to a neutral relaxed lying down position".

If this news catches, I'd start selling my stock in pain-relievers right about now.

recurring

Lately, things have been creeping back into my life. They take their devious routes from my long lost memories and invoke revenant emotions across my everydays. I wouldn't mind at all if it was glee they'd trigger in their passing, but their hooks keep snagging at my heartache.

I felt it worst during that LAE (law admission exam) debacle. Starting off with innocent delight for the coming challenge and promised oppurtunities, I wondered if I had felt the same way when I started off my computer degree. I don't remember though. Regret, pain and all the work seemed to have erased in me any naive ideas about changing the world through code and scripts.

It went even further when I arrived in UPD (UP Diliman) to take the exam. I put on this cheer when I talked with my fellow examinees, that same cheer which met my new friends 4 years ago during a certain freshmen orientation in UPM (UP Manila). The sheer joy of meeting people was eclipsed by the memory of the fated separations in those years.

The coup de grace was the exam itself. The glorified aptitude exam was a throbbing ache that started in your head and coursed down your spine to culminate in your fragile heart. The exam shattered any illusions in me of capability and worthiness; what kind of prospecting lawyer doesn't read the newspaper?

Anyway, what's done is done. I'm letting go of my worries now as I write these words as I often, and reasonably, do. I'm making way for the new worries of tomorrow, the memories poised to jar my shifty spirit.

I look forward to it though, seems like fate's heavy-handed gestures are more of an encouraging pat on the back than anything else. Sure, things can go wrong like ol' Murphy keeps mentioning, but I see as well the vista this road is leading me to. It's beautiful and it fills me with strength to endure. No bumps along the road, past or future, are gonna stop me from getting there.

Heck, maybe second time around, I might be able to do something blissfully right.

party eh

Nakuha ko na yung mag ni mish, at takte lang... sobrang pang-babae siya. Ok pa basahin yung cosmo kasi meron pa mga articles na mature at applicable sa lahat. Pero etong mag na to puro na lang sapatos, damit, make-up at advertisement ang pinagsasabi... PG pa kaya wala yung mga astig na pictorial ng mga model. Did I mention na mali-mali pa yung pagka-print dahil lahat ng single-quote naging blank na space: ' '.

Pero ang pinaka-pang-bwisit sa lahat e si heart yung nasa main article... buti na lang nakakatawa yung article ni mish kahit anlabo minsan nung tanong.

Speaking of money disappearing, muntik na ko ma-slash. Napansin ko lang ngayong umaga na yung shorts ko e merong slash sa front right pocket. I <3 those shorts at sana mabutasan ng salawal ang pangahas na nag-vandalize ng pinaka-komportable kung damit. At least walang nawala, pero nakakainis na, from now on, sa kaliwang bulsa na ko maglalagay. All because may timang na tao na walang trabaho at naisipan na lang butasan ako. %&#$&#.

Yung Happy Feet... eto lang talaga masasabi ko: kung natuwa kayo ng sobra sa trailer then go forth and spend your Php100+. Pero kung sa trailer pa lang ay na-curious lang kayo, e do not pursue. The only way you can enjoy the movie is if:

- you REALLY like penguins
- you're a sucker for mass dance sequences
- you REALLY REALLY like penguins.

I got my LAE permit and the exam is on sunday ng 1pm sa school of economics. Wish me luck na pumasa at nde ma-slash pati yung kaliwang bulsa.

trap me here

Worried? Heck, no. Just really excited. Excited enough to feel worried, but, thanks to my misplaced confidence, I still have yet to cross that threshold.

Tense? You got me there. If I was a lemon, I'd be twisted. If I was yarn, I'd be strung out. If I was myself, I'd just be really stressed out.

So spill onto me all yer words and worries, slice me open and rip out my racing heart and hurl it into the waves.

Pray, feign my spirit with thoughts and parry ardent cyclic speculations of next year onwards. I'm holding on to my hands lest they lash out and leave me incapable of writing, much less answering test questions.

free gigs!

Whoa, I wish I was subscribed on some kind of omnipotent events tracker so I can keep tabs on this great FREE stuff going on in the metro!

60 Years of Harmony: The Philippine-American Jazz Festival
RCBC / Greenbelt 3 / Roxas Blvd., November 17-19, 2006

A jazz fest! Wooot! And it's free! This weekend, hop on over to Makati and Malate for some good ol' rhythm and blues!

Cine Europa 2006
Edsa Shangri-la Mall - Cinema 1, November 9-19, 2006

Seems like Shangra-la keeps serving up choice morsels for the metro moviegoers. Yifee.

Just so it's official

Multiply 3.0 crushed my layout so here's to a fresh start! Here's a few things learned while stumbling around the new layout:

1) You can make multiple customizable filters in the "My Multiply Page" for easier navigation of your friends' posts.

2) Most Mainpage editing features are only available only in "Box View" layout:
- The "Hide Boxes" feature
- Editing the titles of your pages
- Editing the site title
- Editing the welcome note
- Drag the boxes around for customization.

3) To edit the site title, click the title area when the "click to edit" caption shows-up, then DO NOT move your mouse while editing your title. Make sure that you're in the "Box View" layout of your page.

NOTE: for people having problems with the new layout, go to http://multiply.multiply.com/journal/item/107 and read the comments for more tips.

Title art borught to you by Ben TempleSmith.

if i played golf, i'd suck

yeah, coz my follow-through sux.

and that's what worries me now, what gnaws at my college-education confidence and sets the butterflies in my tummy amok.

sure, we do our best and hope for that best. I just can't help but wonder if things are going too smoothly. Lately, things have started falling into place again like a video of a vase breaking, run backwards. I'm fucking scared I'd mess things up!

i still got hope though, and a handful of faith to get me through this week and find the resolution for the garble of stuff. Just gotta breathe in, breathe out and relax.

this is a beginning. Just gotta stick with it, follow-through and let the optimism flow.

7 Songs

I got a tag from my sis, monicai.

List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to.

Songs I Really Enjoying Listening/Jamming/Humming Now?

1. Motion City Soundtrack - Better Open the Door
   
2. Zero 7 - Destiny
   
3. Corinne Bailey Rae - Put Your Records On
   
4. Percy Sledge - Make An Ugly Woman Your Wife
   
5. Mojofly - Tumatakbo
   
6. Dashboard Confessional - Stolen
   
7. Deathcab by Cutie - I Will Follow You Into The Dark
   

Tagging anyone who reads this.

Omnia Vanitas

Gusto ko sana isipin na hinde talaga ako vain, na gusto ko lang na maayos at disente lahat. Pero nitong huling mga linggo, hindi na ko sigurado.

Nagsimula lahat sa allergy. Ilang linggo na din ako namumula dahil sa di-maipaliwanag na rason at kung covered pa rin ako ng medical plan ng mom ko, siguro nagpunta na ko agad sa doktor. Kaso nga hindi na ako pwede makalibre sa mga check-up at ang nakakainis pa eh pa-bugso-bugso ang pagtatampo ng aking balat: nandiyan at magpaplano na ko magpa-tingin, tapos mawawala at kakalimutan ko na lang.

Kutob ng ate ko meron lang akong kaso ng dry skin. 1 week ng makikay na kamo-moisturize bago matulog at mukha ngang naka-tsamba ang ate ko. Nanghihinayang lang ako sa gastos para sa moisturizer, nde na ba uso ang soap & water?

Dahil na rin sa laging nasa bahay, wala na yung mga puyat at commute na uubos sa calories na tuwang-tuwa ako ipunin. Kaya sinimulan ko nang maghanap ng mga pagbubuntungan ng oras at pawis: swim, lakad, bike, etc. Mala-triathlon ang dating pero ang habol ko lang talaga e hinde manghinayang pag nakikita ko yung mga Century Tuna commercials.

Pero ang pinaka-matinding nagawa ko talaga para lang mag-papogi e dahil sa isang t-shirt. Malaki na ako ngayon at hinde ko na kelangan magpasama kay Mommy or kay Daddy para bumili ng damit, sa kaibigan na lang kasi mas relevant ang taste nila (lalo pa at biased ang parents sa itsura ng anak nila). Kasama ang mga buddies, nag-tripping kami tumingin ng damit sa kung saan saan at dun ko nakita ang t-shirt in question.

Maganda ang t-shirt at mahal. Ako na walang trabaho o suweldo ay walang karapatan mangarap at magkaroon ng porma. Gayunman, nagpakapal na lang ako ng mukha at bumalik kay Mommy at Daddy.

Like any good story, kelangan may catch: wala nang size sa Festival. Sige lang, meron naman siguro sa Makati.

Like any good story, kelangan may twist: wala na rin size sa Makati... or sa Rockwell sabi ng masungit at tamad na saleslady nakausap kong magtawag sa ibang outlet. I-tetext naman daw ako ng shop sa ATC kapag nakahanap sila ng size sa ibang outlet; tahimik pa rin ang cellphone ko hangang ngayon.

Like any good story, mag-pupursigi ang main character: binuksan ang inaalikabok na PLDT Business Directory at inisa-isa ko ang Megamall, Robinson's Manila, SM Manila. Wala na din daw.

Like any great story, good ending naman: tinopak akong tawagan ang malayong outlet sa SM North at meron daw silang size... dalawa pa. 3 hours of commute later, nakuha ko na ang pinagdidiskitahan na t-shirt.

Masaya kong ini-hanger ang t-shirt sa kuwarto ko, tumatawa dahil sa sobrang sabog kong priorities.

Waiting for a movie

It's not that the movies in this season actually suck, although they do sorta lack a certain glamour. The real problem is that all the long-awaited movies are showing up next year and, much to the dismay of current movies, all their trailers are hitting audiences now.

I'd love to watch Scarlet Johansson in "Scoop" and "The Prestige" (both very good from what I've seen from the trailers; a definite DVD acquisition) but I got overrun by the buzz on "TMNT", "HP5", "Spiderman3" and, of course, "A Scanner Darkly" (notice how I didn't mention "Casino Royale").

Anyway, to remedy this lack of theatre enthusiasm, here are some movies to look out for in the (hopefully) very near future:

LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
- A sundance entry. You can't go wrong with an indie movie with Steve Carell in it!

HARD CANDY
- A UK horror/suspense film that's getting great reviews (not to mention it's got that cool Asian chick from Grey's Anatomy: Sandra Oh). Can't wait for it to hit Philippine shores.

A SCANNER DARKLY
- The much anticipated film from Richard Linklater, director of "Waking Life". Although this one has Keannu Reeves in it, it's not a romance movie so I'm willing to bet the price of an admission ticket that it's good.

curry head

A 2-minute indie horror movie. I guess you could say it's an Indian indie since there's curry involved.

chiru

Three things.

1) You could argue that Micheal Jackson ripped off the idea for his Thriller video from India since they've been doing the "dancing in the streets" thing for years.

2) If I was the girl, I'd be horrified, too.

3) Why are most male Indian movie leads old and ugly?

*cough* plug-in *cough*

More from the same. It just blows me away how they mix love and science, and we all know romantic geeks are all the rage nowadays (i think...).

Check out the site at http://xkcd.com/ which updates regularly enough.

hell yeah!

Some people should be poets.

"mas masaya, mas maganda, pag may liwanag ang buhay."

Naisipan na din ng meralco dalhan kami ng kuryente, whew. Luckily, a few synapse fires away from a complete mental breakdown.

Nung Thursday, nonchalant pa e. Friday, medyo nararamdaman na na parang "long-haul" na 'tong disaster na to. Through the weekend, scamper around the house trying to keep things together. Pero sa Monday na nag-climax yung mind-numbing neurosis.

Ang salarin lang naman ng pagkabaliw e dahil 2 blocks away, masayang nagsasayang ng kuryente yung mga capiz balls sa puno ng bahay dun.

Nakakatuwa, na madali i-romanticize ang isang catastrophe. Madali sabihin na oras na para mag-"back2basics" at tumigil para mag-"smell ng flowers", magbago ng perspective para makita "what really matters".

Nakita ko nga... kelangan ko ng kuryente. Dahil kung walang kuryente, nabubulok ang pagkain sa ref, tumataas ang risk of fire sa bahay, bumababa ang productivity, and worst of all, hindi na pwede mag-igib ng tubig. Strictly ipinapatupad ang "If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down."

It's one thing na mag-brownout and, for one night, tahimik ang gabi at nag-paparada ang mga tala sa langit. It's another na mag-brownout for 4 nights and infringe on the human rights of water, food and security.

Sure, I should shut up dahil ngayon may kuryente na... but 4 days for power to come back? Hindi naman Hurricane Katrina ang dinatnan ng Meralco; hindi naman natupok yung mga bahay. Meron lang mga natumbang mga poste at na-sungkit ng mga linya ng kuryente here and there.

The response was slow and there should be some kind of reckoning.

Of course, hinde rin naman pananagutan ng Meralco at, in the end, siguro itong post lang ang magiging bunga ng dis-service nila.

Haha, sounds like pragmatism from someone in the depression stage of acceptance.

online test whor*

tag! I'm it!

My Personality

Neuroticism	23
Extraversion	57
Openness To Experience	97
Agreeableness	60
Conscientiousness	14

Test Yourself Compare Yourself View Full Report Find your soulmate / pysch twin MySpace Codes, MySpace Surveys and MySpace Layouts by Pulseware Survey Software

samaritan of a song

It took a while. It took a really long while.

How terribly appropriate to find that special song you've been searching for so very long in the most inexplicable of circumstances. Here's my story: a dream took me to it.

I dreamt of watching American Idol and some girl sporting a boyish cut and some strange finger tattoos reminiscent of madonna's frozen video. She was singing THE song. I quickly google for the American Idol site (still in dream) and find that THE song is there in a playback of the episode.

But before I could take a sigh of relief, I find myself in a cabin watching some dude arguing with another dude about THE song. The guy was blaming the other guy for introducing a song he doesn't know the title of; the guy liked it but is now stuck in the same depressing vortex of not knowing the title of THE song.

I woke up, lyrics still fresh in mind, and momentarily google them (this time, for real) hoping for the best.

Sadly, "come and stay here" doesn't pick-up on anything.

I go out on a limb instead and search for "cynthia alexander" although I don't remember anyone mentioning her in the dream (but I felt extremely positive about that name). Lyrics after lyrics, reviews after reviews and the occasional pop-up did nothing to help in my quest.

Since I've still got 3 limbs left, I throw "icicle fire" into google's engine and LO AND BEHOLD! THE SONG is there.

The problem all along: "come and stay here" != "comet's t~ail".

PS: I found the infamous orange and lemon's sunsilk song. It's "Let me" and an mp3 should start floating around when they release a single of this but for now, enjoy.

PPS: Now to search for that other shampoo commercial song: "air conditioned ang buhok niya!".

garbage day?

garbage day!!!

Talk Talk Talk

Oo, kakagising ko lang.

Kahit na alas-dose ng gabi ang nakalagay sa orasan ng pc ko, hinde ako nanghihinayang sa body clock ko. Let's just say I've had a long day.

Nagsimula ang lahat nung alas-onse ng umaga nitong lunes, kagigising ko lang (malamang) at siyempre kasabay ng aking pag-gising ang pag-boot ng pc. Online, sinimulan ko na i-psyche ang sarili ko mag-thesis habang nagbabasa ng mga post ninyo sa multiply.

SA YM, nag-message sa akin yung kaibigan ko sa diliman: meron daw siyang malaking problema.

Pinagkakaabalahan niya noon ang project nila sa Business Administration, which is to setup and organize some kind of project.

Ang napiling proyekto? Mag-seminar.
Ang problema? Nag-backout and speaker.
Ang iniiyakan niya? 2 araw na lang, seminar na.

Ang pinaka-punto niya sa mensahe ay kung meron akong kilalang marunong sa ERDs at DFDs. Syempre, tumaas ang kilay ko: "Comsci ako! Bread and butter ko yan." Nung sinabi ko yun, nde ko pa alam na naghahanap pala siya ng speaker. Nung sinabi niya, medyo hinde na ako makatanggi.

Mga ilang oras muna dumaan, siya nag-aalala, ako nagtatawag ng mga kakilang computer scientists na pwede mag-turo sa up diliman sa Miyerkules. Sa huli, ako na ang sumalo, medyo kabado dahil WALA ako talagang experience mag-speaker (hinde yata counted yung mga oral report sa klase) at medyo 48 na oras na lang natitira.

Puyat. Google. Kain. Puyat. Wiki. Kain. Powerpoint. Visio. Access. Puyat. Kain.

Miyerkules ng umaga sa up diliman, dala dala ang powerpoint na puro kabaduyan (dahil boring ang DFDs at ERDs kung wala), pansit at mga cupcake ng kaibigan ko na gagamitin nilang pang-hila ng mga tao ("free lunch! free lunch!") tumungo na kami sa kuwartong pagse-serbisyohan namin sa susunod na 4 na oras.

Ayos. Buti na lang ginamit ko si Boy Abunda(entity) para i-describe ang isang ERD (yung system: the Buzz!) at salamat din at nakilala nila sa Lt. Data (sa DFD...) dahil kung hinde... parang "sayawan ng Arico Mambo" nanaman uli ang mangyayari (isang joke na nde na-"gets").

Ayos. Medyo konti yung nahila (kapag wednesday pala, walang klase sa college of business admin.) pero sa kahit saan naman na seminar sa school, basta merong pumutang 10-15, ayos na yun.

Ayos. May mug ako at konting datung (at may maidadagdag na ko sa resume ko).

Ayos. Natulungan ko yung kaibigan ko, and that's all that really mattered.

All seasons are beautiful for the person who carries happiness within.

Fack shit and hello, September.

Last Friday was September 8 which is about a week late for someone to freak out (froke out?) about the ushering in of a new -ber month, but freak out all the same, I did.

It was a very wet evening, that Friday night, with the rain thing doing an all-nighter and me all sweaty with worrying about how I'm gonna survive tonight making everyone happy. Worrying through every waking moment sort of merged the gap between the 1st and 8th of September into one long exasperated sigh.

Anyway, here is my not so TGIF with an uneventful morning and afternoon sly enough to make you think you've got the right to relax. But when the evening comes along, hold on to your pants, brotha'!

The whole dilemma is simply a matter of priorities: God or friends? Friends or God?

September 8 holds a special place for both factions, you see? It's a day for Marian celebration as well as the chosen date for the despidida of an especially close friend. To my utter panic, though, they both scheduled their joyous merry-making evening-ish.

Now, I'm a man of chance and destiny; I take a zen approach when it comes to my life and so far, good ol' flow has been taking me to wonderful places. This time though, fate got tired of making decisions for me and handed me this platter of grief.

Anyway, cutting a long story short, I righteously picked God over my friend one evening (after watching Jerry Maguire, a notoriously feel good movie) and let that be that. Once friday came along, I went to mass like the good choir boy I think I am and marched on over to Rockwell at an extremely unfashionably late hour of 10.

I still managed to make it for the wonderful food (and the odd single glass of beer served) and to see all my old friends, all still yuppie as can be. The night was calmly epilogued by a long discussion on "what the hell did you do to deserve all this drama?" with a good friend, chowing down on a solitary banoffee and washing that down with 2 shots of espresso, just like what any other respectable confection deserves.

It ended well, and, in retrospect, I realized that the whole panic thing was unnecessary and childish. Things always have a way of working out, you just have to survive it long enough with a smile on your face.

Another online meme to waste your time on!

Haha, join the bandwagon!

Which wish, witch?

So, nde nanaman ako makatulog.

bili!: i wish you sleep
dean!: i wish i sleep, too/
bili!: i wish you your wish
dean!: which wish, witch?
bili!: sinong witch? i will sampal you my broomstick

So, nababaliw nanaman ako dahil nde nga ako makatulog.

dean!: "stack and stoke your stick in stock, steak!"

So, nangaaway pa ko ng ibang puyat.

bili!: ur karma will be puyat
dean!: i know, forgive me buddha
bili!: im not fat biatch
dean!: i didn't mean you, beeyoch.
bili!: im just saying im not fat biyatch

Ansarap ng buhay, ano?

stolen from someplace special

* Section 1: YOU YOU YOU! *
+ Known as: Dean, Din, Din^2, Dani (w/ an I, not an NY), Danilo, Didinskee, Moi^2
+ Lives in: a house luckily placed in paranaque
+ Birthday: the 15th of April in the year of 1985
+ School: University of the Philippines, Manila
+ Shoe size: 10 (i think... I never keep track)
+ Hair color: bleak black (with odd streaks of brown in the sunlight)
+ Eye color: plain ol' brown
+ hair Style: barber's cut(astrophe)

* Section 2 - Have you ever... *
+ Cheated on someone? nope
+ Been Cheated on? i hope not
+ Fallen off the bed?: we've got pretty big beds here so, nope
+ Broken someones heart?: i hope not
+ Had your heart broken?: oh crap, yes
+ Had a dream come true?: dejavu is one of my middle names
+ Done something you regret? why regret when you can forget?
+ Cheated on a test? haha, yes

* Section 3 - Currently *
+ Wearing? something a baller would wear
+ Listening to?: morning musume, if you recognize this... GUILTY!
+ Located?: in my room
+ Chatting with? nobody of course! it's 9 in the morning, geez!
+ Watching? what an awful waste of electricity it would be if I had an answer for this
+ Should REALLY be doing?: a long delayed, much lamented, thesis

* Section 4 - Do you... *
+ Brush your teeth?: course!
+ Have any piercings?: not yet ~giggle~
+ Drive?: theoretically
+ Drink?: Does warm beer taste like piss?
+ Smoke?: when the occasion demands

* Section 5 - The last person you... *
+ Hugged?: Mumzie
+ Kissed?: Mumzie (kinda boring answers, eh?)
+ IMed?: Mannix, about a certain shindig to be done on a saturday night
+ Talked on the phone: Allan, about certain rocks that were SUPPOSED to have dazzled me this morning
+ Yelled at?: meh? yell? well, there was this horror movie I saw last month...

* Section 6 - Personal *
+ What do you want to be when you finish college?: Accomplished and Employed
+ What has been the best day of your life?: today, nothing beats today
+ What comes first in your life?: promises
+ Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush?: yep!
+ What do you usually think about before you go to bed?: I hope i fall asleep, I hope I... snore...
+ Did you lose someone you really loved?: not lost, more separated
+ How many times have you fallen in love?: well, I'm a sucker for good songs so, lotsa times
+ Love your family?: yeah, as much as I don't really show it
+ Love your friends?: I'd die for them. Then again, I think I have a death wish.

* Section 7 - Favorite *
+ Movie: Merlin and Romy and Michelle's, lotsa more actually
+ Song: Terminal
+ Store: Artwork, damn cheap!
+ Sport: up for a swim, taken by biking and begging for badminton. tekken in between, of course
+ Ice Cream Flavor: maro (italian and spanish for blackberry) gelati
+ Fruit: lychee
+ Candy: do m&m's count?
+ Day of the Week: TGIF!
+ Time: sleepy time
+ Color: caked blood underneath fingernails red

* Section 8 - Do you *
+ Like to give hugs? yeah!
+ Like to give kisses? yeah!
+ Like to walk in the rain? rain and me? we go WAY back.
+ Prefer black or blue pens?: I prefer lead actually, hence my awful handwriting
+ Like to travel?: who doesn't? I'mma wanderlustin', beb!
+ Sleep on your side, stomach or back? : my twisted bed covers are a testament to the inapplicability of this question
+ Have a goldfish?: not really a fan of aquariums
+ Ever have the falling dream?: Noooooooooooooooooooooooo... umph!
+ Have stuffed animals?: Well, it's either I do or a dragon, a panda and a poring are hanging out on my TV set right now.

* Section 9 - What do you think about... *
+ Smoking: To each, his own
+ Eating disorders: If I told you to eat more, it's a compliment (wth is wrong with this society?)
+ Summer: take me to the beaches, beb!
+ Tattoos: haha... damned image boards.
+ Piercings: as long as it's not my heart

* Section 10 - This or that *
+ Pierced nose or tongue? tongue, I'm not a show-off
+ Single or taken?: taken, in a floating disk full of little green men
+ Sugar or salt?: sugar!
+ Silver or gold?: silver is the new gold, daw
+ Chocolate or flowers?: shocklits!
+ Color or Black-and-white photos? color, black and white photos strike me as trying too hard to be artistic sometimes.
+ M&Ms or Skittles? m&ms. crispy.
+ Stay up late or sleep in?: why pick when you can do both!
+ Hot or cold?: Cold, the manly way to take a shower since the Ice Age
+ Mustard or ketchup?: it's actually an insult in some cultures to use condiments
+ Spring or Fall?: fall, take me to NYC, quick!
+ Happy or sad? : happy. could be happier though if you hand me that sandwich.
+ Wonder or amazement? wonder. it has the ring of awe as opposed to amazement which reeks of surprise.

Kapag inabutan ng umaga

Madilim na sa labas at ang tanging tinig na maririnig ay ang simoy ng hikab at hilik ng tulog na mga kapitbahay.

Nakabukas pa rin itong kompyuter ko at kami ay nagtititigan. Ako, naghahanap ng isa pang rason na magpapasantabi muli sa pagtulog. Siya, nagtataka kung bakit pinapagod ko siya uli ng ganito.

Pagkatapos ng mga email, sa pagsara ng mga kwento ng buhay ng iba, buksan natin lahat ng lumang kanta at baguhin ang umagang nagpapanggap na gabi.

Magkukunwari ako. Kakabahan na meron akong machine problem ipapasa next week. Pag-iisipan ko ang ubos nang load sa Ragnarok. Mananabik na ko mag-PE at kumain ng marami pagkatapos. Ibubulsa ko na yung pang-NewGen mamaya pagkatapos ng klase. Ilalabas na ang rubber shoes kong ipapares sa malaki kong pantalon at t-shirt.

Itutuloy ko ang nagdaan nang panahon, kahit na kung ang ngayon ay gayun din ang tamis.

Dahil lamang sa panaginip ko kagabi: naging tayo daw.

Doon sa panaginip, nandun ang ngayong hindi natuloy. Nandun yung mahahabang usapan nating nagtatakip sa totoong nararamdaman natin sa isa't isa. Nakita ko dun ang tawanan natin, at ang makahulugang nating mga sulyap pagkatapos. Sa pagakbay ko sayo, naramdaman kong wala na akong hahanapin pa.

Siguro gumaganti lang ako sa kapalaran. Bumabawi ako sa paglapastangan sa kapayapaan ng aking mga panaginip, sa pagpapatikim at pagbabawi.

Ngayong gabi, magkukunwari ako. Habang gising, iisipin ko iba rin ang mundo. Patas lang ang patas.

Pietra mossa non fa muschio

A rolling stone gathers no moss, so my dad tells me when I mention the rut I am happily in. It was a lot of work, actually, developing the habits bums all over the world religiously follow immediately after waking up noonish. The eat, sleep and watch-tv cycle (with a bit of online surfing to suck out any productive hours left) done over and over but never refined felt great after the utter hell of a summer (and college in general) I put myself through.

But now, the break is over. Time to move on (yet again) with an agitated leg shaking, like some sugar loaded crack-head, urging me on.

So here goes, the weeks ahead are planned and cash set aside. I doze off, optimistic, at a civilized hour of 9-ish.

And then I got sick.

5 days of lying in bed, weak, tired, disappointed and sporting an enthralling headache ingrained the slothfulness even deeper.

Recovered and optimistic once more, I rest my weary head on a worn pillow early Sunday night looking forward to the new week ahead and the inevitable accomplishments to follow.

Then I woke up late, and continued waking up (even later) the next few days and before I knew it, the stormy season had settled in. The urge to venture 16kms back to Manila and settle delayed accounts seemed unmusterable.

It's like fate is hampering me, chance is my hindrance.

Among the goals I outlined 2 weeks ago on my phone's "To Do List", none of them ever got finished (although the "upload hell of a lot of pictures" sorta got an impetus) and staring at it now, disappointment settled back in.

But I put down the phone and stared out the window into the rain and I recounted how 2 weeks could have passed by so quickly and shortly found my satisfactory answer.

Spending more time with my friends, grooming for a healthier approach to life, sorting out stuff at home and resting my nerves, I think my time was well spent.

And just to push things over the top, I spent most of those days with a certain bloke that dances and enjoys mcdo food too much.

If there was any better way to start the rainy season, it'd have to involve heaven and a solid gold toilet.

Happiness, as my dad understood the proverb, sorta just rolls along once you start. Cumulatively, in this case.

Hard Gay- Ramen Shop (English Subtitles)

For people with blocked youtubes, a bypass care of your friendly comsci pre-graduate. EDIT: Aww, crap... Youtube just posted a damned link. Here's a fix...EDIT: Embedding doesn't work with lj's either, huh? EDIT: Tadaaah!http://gelangenie.multiply.com/journal/item/50

Bypass! (Worth watching too)

Let's see if this works



Tadaah!

pretty perfect, in it's grand ways

It's so easy to be disappointed nowadays, so natural to slide into the cynical, so comfortable to be sardonic. In this day and age, people have come to respect and, by themselves, realize "playing it safe" as the way to go. Dreams don't come true, princes don't gallop in and frogs stay frogs, kiss or no kiss. Fairy tales are just that, tales. People who learn not to risk themselves are a hard bunch, the glint in their eyes are gone and innocence swept away by deceptive thoughts of maturity.

But life is, truly, stranger than fiction. Better even, in it's chaos and randomness that churn out joy and bliss at the blink of an eye. When life comes a'flying in through your bedroom window you'd best be on your feet and a'moving. All it takes is the right wind, the right phase of the moon, and the next thing you know opportunity is offering you the world and lady luck's teeth are shining down from fields of clovers. She breaks down your hard walls and puts back the shine in your eyes in the most unexpected ways.

There are no fields of clover though, only fields of good and bad intentions sown with your own sweat. In the middle, standing there among tall blades of grass and wildflowers, is opportunity. Always there, always waiting, he extends his big hands and within them he grasps satisfaction and the choice is, and always has been, yours.

There is no luck, i think, in the world. There is only open-mindedness. Optimism, good friends and a smile to oil things out is all you really need to be happy in this world. Risk everything, believe in a higher power and you'd be surprised how quickly the scenery changes, how quickly the grass gets greener on your side of the fence.

Dreams have a way of coming true when your happy, princes don't have to gallop in when they can whisk you away instead, frogs stay frogs but they've got hearts beating to the tune of the world. Fairy tales are just that, tales. Life, stranger than any fiction, can never be as fanciful, but pretty perfect in it's grand ways.

the summer spirit

Kahit na tapos na ang summer, sa loob ng kwarto ko, tuloy pa rin ang pagdiriwang ng bakasyon. Malamang lang; natapos na din (sa wakas) ang OJT, nagawan ng paraan ang residency application sa school, at naghihintay na lang akong simulan ang application para Law Admission Exam ng UPD.

Nakuha ko na rin ang pinaka-mimithi na pahinga, nde yung pahinga na nasa bahay lang ako at nagve-"veg", pero yung pahinga ng utak at damdamin. Tapos na ang mga araw na magpupuyat ako dahil takot ako magsimula ang bukas, ang bumuklat ang mata ko sa umaga para lang tumitig sa computer screen at mabaliw sa OJT. Naglaho na yung pangangamba na hinde ako makaka-graduate this sem dahil hinde maaaprove ang residency ko in time. Nagsimula na ang paghahabol ko sa Law at, kasabay nun, nagkaroon na ko ng direksyon sa buhay, sa wakas.

Naghihintay lang ako. Darating ang araw na susungaban na ako ng pagod at sakit ng ulo, pero ngayon, sa oras na ito, meron akong kapayapaan; kapayapaan ng estudyanteng kakauwi lang galing sa huling araw ng pasok, matutulog nang maaga pero hinde dahil kailangan, pero dahil gusto na niya simulan ang bakasyon.

Labas tayo, gusto ko kayo hawaan.

yahoo...

Naghahanap ako ng karamay, meron ba nangyari sa yahoo?

Simula kahapon, ang tagal mag establish ng connection yung yahoo messenger sa bahay; kahit meebo hinde rin kinaya which goes to show hinde sa side ko kundi sa servers ng yahoo ang problema.

After a while naka-konek na din uli. And life goes on.

Pero ngayong gabi naman, hala, yahoo mail ayaw na mag respond. Pati messenger, tulog na din.

Kamusta ang yahoo sa mga pc nyo? Just wondering, baka na-"stealth mode" ako ng yahoo.com.

voodoo girl and other stories

Iwi, eto talaga e. Ang ganda talaga. For the broken hearted out there (not necessarily you), heto si voodoo girl and other stories brought to you by the legendary artist and director Tim Burton. All hail.

Q: How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: None. They prefer to sit in the dark and cry.

Yun talaga yun e. Hahaha. For more non-sense(pero nakakatawa pa rin): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lightbulb_joke

bili... bat parang madilim sa inyo?

Not just for the neighborhood ho's

YOU MUST SEE THIS!!!
Kahit ka kung dial-up lang. DEFINITE laugh trip.

Ite-text ko sana kaso lowbatt

Strewn leaves and ravaged blossoms carpet the roads;
a brooding sky, immense, stalks me on my way to church.
A gentle gale rushes with me:
a promise of scattered beauty urging me on.

All the while, wishing you were here.

Hinde na talaga ako nagkekwento

Isang computer science joke:

A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing about whose profession was the oldest. In the course of their arguments, they got all the way back to the Garden of Eden, whereupon the doctor said, "The medical profession is clearly the oldest, because Eve was made from Adam's rib, as the story goes, and that was a simply incredible surgical feat." The architect did not agree. He said, "But if you look at the Garden itself, in the beginning there was chaos and void, and out of that, the Garden and the world were created. So God must have been an architect." The computer scientist, who had listened to all of this said, "Yes, but where do you think the chaos came from?"

Hinde na ko nakakapagwkento masyado sa buhay ko lately. Sobrang dami nangyayari pero disjoint yun sa totoong buhay ko; hinde maikwento dahil ala naman patutunguhan although grave all the same.

Pero ansaya lang, ang Mayo ang season of hearts - at oo, sinabi ko na to kanina. - kasi andami nangyayaring sa mga puso ng mga tao. Haha, me included. Haha.

At eto pa, mga napupulot sa automized quote system ng eZforge:

A dozen, a gross, and a score,
Plus three times the square root of four,
Divided by seven, Plus five times eleven,
Equals nine squared plus zero, no more.

Astig lang

just so we're clear: the web is a very strange place

Walang magawa sa trabaho? Eto'y para sayo (huwag malimutan mag-left click).

God rest ye CS students now, Let nothing you dismay.
The VAX is down and won't be up, Until the first of May.
The program that was due this morn, Won't be postponed, they say.

Oh, tidings of comfort and joy, Comfort and joy, Oh, tidings of comfort and joy.

The bearings on the drum are gone, The disk is wobbling, too.
We've found a bug in Lisp, and Algol Can't tell false from true.
And now we find that we can't get At Berkeley's 4.2.

Oh, tidings of comfort and joy, Comfort and joy, Oh, tidings of comfort and joy.

Nakakapagod lang. Nood tayo sine, lapit na X-men 3 at si superman palipad-lipad na diyan sa tabi. Pero syempre, Da Vinci Code muna. Kahit na hinde ko talaga trip si Tom Hanks at titingnan ako ng masama ng mga pari sa amin.

Prey Tale ending at iba pang baduy pero maganda talaga pag tutuusin.

Kelangan. Kelangan ko lang talaga i-post ito. I'm such a sucker for plain but furiously evocative lines:

ang sarap mong sunugin.
sabay payakap naman habang nasusunog ka.

Wala akong masabi, besides the admonition na lumalabas na ang pagka-emo ko. Then again, true beauty has no concept of boundaries.

Kung ikaw ay nagbabasa nito at naka-DSL pataas kang connection, pumunta ka dito. Plug-in ba ito o buenas para sayo? Ewan.

cheer up!

Sinong hinde nalulungkot minsan? Lahat naman nabibisita ng takot at kaba, malas mo na lang din kung nag-overnight na rin sya at tinabihan ka pa sa pagtulog.

Para sa iyo, taong nabiktima ng mundong walang pakisama, alay ko si miss mcdonald

~mcdonald's food and beverage sold seperately~

anhirap rin maghabol

Nawalan na talaga ako ng pag-asa ma-upload yung mga pictures na 'backlog'. Haha, siguro dahil na rin sa andami ko rin ginagawa at laging tulog at unan ang naiisip ko instead of yung pag-upload at yung pictures nyo.

Pero antagal ko na hinde nagpopost at sayang ang quota kaya heto.

Totoo nga sinabi ni chie, ramdam na ramdam na talaga yung bigat ng work. Ok sana kung windows yung gamit mo at mag-program ka lang ng php. Ok pa yun kahit kelangan magdrawing ka ng ERD ng konti at magpaka-artistic para terno yung mga kulay ng site.

Pero iba na yung ibibigay sayo iMac na luma at mabagal at walang right click na naka Linux.

Hinde pa gumagana minsan.

Kusang install at kumponi ka ng lahat ng kelangan mo - postgresql, docmgr, openoffice at docmgr - buong maghapon. Hay. Sinong hinde mapapakain sa dami nang aasikasuhin.

Pero ayos lang naman. Kasi marami rin naman astig na mga bagay ang nangyayari: Reunion nung weekend, swimming every weekend, bagong libro tungkol sa punctuation (na comedy, ang galing nga e) and, best of all, hinde ko na masisilayan ang maalikabok na mga kalye ng Laguna Techno Park. Makabili nga ng award.

Mga pichuurs:
Nagbabasa ba kayo ng Calvin and Hobbes? Not for the weak-hearted.

Ang aga ko magising. Senyales na to.

Yung pc ko naayos na ng ate ko at ng kanyang mahusay na boypren. Medyo bumagal at nagtotopak na yung ym pero buti na yung ganito kay sa nag-bebeep at maarte mag-boot. And if your curious, nde ko pa nasimulan uli thesis ko.

Ganun lang talaga pag-nawalan ka ng gana.

Malabong adviser, faulty equipment, multiple deaths (MDK, haha), graduation jeeters at syempre yung hirap ng thesis yung pwede ko gawin dahilan para ma-justify kung bakit nde na nasa top priority yung aking CAPTCHATTACH (patent not pending). Pero mababaw na rason yung mga yun e.

Ang rason ko talaga e ayoko na ma-stress. Dahil gipit na ko sa oras, shift ko na lang attensyon ko sa mga exam na NOW ko na dapat problemahin. 3 baes exams at physics (Yung baes pa lang aray na). Come to think, meron pa naman ko time sa summer (although malamang sa first sem ng 06-07 na ko makakadefense dahil ganun daw talaga yun sabi ni sir baes).

Pacing lang, pacing. I mind my pace for my peace of mind.

Sawa na ko gawin yung mga bagay bagay dahil lang kasi deadline nya bukas. Kaya hinde ko naramdaman yung college life ko, kaya parang nasagasaan lang ko ng last 3 years ko dito. Its all because yung heart ko hinde nakalagay sa lahat ng ginagawa ko.

Gusto ko na ng ganun uli. Gusto ko ibalik yung feeling ng pagiging mag-aaral nung highschool, nung lahat ng bagay ki-na-kareer kasi masaya mag-aral.

Oo, aminado na kong geek pero sa tingin ko lang talaga, bakit ka naman hinde mag-eenjoy pag nadiskubre mo kung pano gumana ang radio? speakers? Kung pano mag-sched ng conflicting scheds? Na maximum of 5 colors lang ang nasa kahit anong mapa sa mundo? at kung bakit?

Ansaya matuto kasi andami matututunan. Pero kelangan ko mag-pacing. Anhirap mag-cold turkey, purol pa yung kutsilyo ng utak ko.

picture insert: Ang galing lang, ngayong umaga yan of 3/20/06

pos script: Nag-aaral na ko ng hapon ng malupet. The powah of the internet. Sa mga may ipod, www.japanesepod101.com .

nag aaral ng physics

... and I'm enjoying it so much na yung libro iniwan ko na lang sa tabi at naginternet na lang ako.

naisip ko lang..

--> ang galing, yung mga talagang hilig ko hindi nyo hilig pero masaya pa rin pag kayo kasama. haha.

--> sa tingin ko lang, kaya ko gusto magsalamin kasi meron akong malabong pagkatuwa sa mga abubot.

--> at ansaya ng physics, kahit pagalitan ka pa ng proff mo sa lab.

--> sa tingin ko lang, yung BS(bullshit) parang electric charge yan e. Pag inexpose mo ang isang tao sa BS, magkakaroon ng +BS charge yung tao pero yung isang side nya meron -BS charge na ipapasa nya sa iba. Siguro maghanap ka ng isang malaking tao na pwede mo pagpasahan ng BS mo tapos mawawala lang kasi sobrang laki nung tao (parang na-ground yung BS).

Anu yung point? Wala lang, ang BS kumakalat. Kaya pag nag BS ka ng tao, konsensya lang. Nagcontribute ka sa net BS ng mundo, karma ata yun.

--> na sobrang panget yung nde pumapasok. Bago mag 3rd year parang takot pa ko maabsent e, at bago rin mag 3rd year nde ko problemado sa aral. Masyado na ko stressed ngayon para idamay pa ang pagaaral sa worries, kaya sana lang, matuto na ko.

~mainit man o mahangin, kahit saan pwede ko sya dalhin, sa edsa man o sa divisoria...~

bad hair and other tragedies

It is official. Masyado na magulo buhok ko. The whole does-not-comb-kunwari-bago-gising look is not working. How'd I come to this conclusion, you ask? Yung ate ko bigyan ako ng "VOLUME control texture and styling concentrated creme" and it's not my birthday. By golly.

My parents treat my like I'm a damned kid and I'm getting really tired of it. I'm sure your thinking something along the lines of "at least they dont hate you, or scold you too much or sell you to an international slave market" but, geeez! I've had it up to here with obvious questions and the constant speculations. Argh.

Not to mention I'm nowhere near starting my thesis. Heck, I'm actually practically back to square one since all my research just got deleted because of that damned video card fiasco.

And someone just farted in close proximity. Fate, what a prankster.

Things are looking grim and time is no friend to me right now. At least I've got volumizing creme to keep me company. Yihaa.

Brokeback mountain. Yihaa. Jazz Fest. Yihaa. Guildpact pre-release. Yihaa. Graduation. Yihaa.

Sige lang, dindin. Cheer yourself up. Kaya mo yan.

Oh crap, nagsunog ako ng bulate. Fate, what a prankster.