I've had a couple of false starts, but last week, I thought it'd change with a date: Friday night, Shinjuku, with a guy I met at a year-closing party. I remember he had these sweet eyes that shimmered with an inner gladness. I found him remarkable, actually, out of my league, until I found a stray message he left a week ago. He had me at "Hi, handsome," and I couldn't possibly say anything else aside from "See you then."
So there he was, on a winter night in the street, outside the door of this bar he's been to in a life he's had before, waiting for someone I hope will accompany him in his life to come. We step inside. We order drinks. He finds a cozy corner for us to take-off our jackets, get the conversation going, let the alcohol fuel our veins and our conversation. We talked about his new job at my company (which we toasted on), my volunteer work, what he's been up to last year, what I've got planned this year, his ex(we went there T_T), my friends who happened to barge in on us, all smiles and apologies. And before I knew it, 2 hours had passed, spent in this comfortable candor.
And the whole time I just wanted to kiss him, feel his lips burn against mine, and stoke the embers of my soul.
But a fire that blazed too soon is apt to burn-out as quickly, so I thought to play it aloof a bit longer. So I said we'll go dance somewhere, in the dark where I could take him into my arms, and stare into his warm eyes until winter turned into spring outside. But he had something to do tomorrow, something about papers, I couldn't remember, I was apologetic, "Look at the time, wow, I didn't notice. You could still catch your train right? Sorry to keep you so late. Let me just get my bag."
Back into the cold winter we went, down chilly streets and past shivering pedestrians. Cold crosswalk-light, after cold crosswalk-light took us closer to the station, so I asked, "So what made you ask me out tonight?" "Ah, that," he answered apprehensively. "'Coz I'm so glad you did, I really needed a drink, and it's great that I've got someone to talk to about this gay thing," I cut in.
And now, someone to talk about.
It's a start, I guess. He'll be joining my company soon, so there'll be other chances, other possible beginnings. Next month, I promise.
