I haven't been writing for a while--just saying it out loud and finally admitting to the world at large that I, of sound mind and body, am bumming. Here's some pretty clever reasons why:Besides that fact that the desktop's LAN card is shot, I've been fulfilling all of my online needs on my mom's shiny new laptop. And since I don't have a proper desk and chair to sit the laptop and my hiney on, I've been getting along splendidly on top of my spacious bed, which is fine for typical surfing and the random click here and there. But for writing, the bed doesn't really offer anything ergonomic at all and my back's the first to tell me "Son, Sohachi Yamaoka was not done on your stomach and with a laptop for good healthy reasons". Later that day he'll include a rebuttal through various aches and groans.
And then there's the matter of time, of which I don't have time to explain or bore you either.
Plus, I haven't been reading as much as I want to. I've always felt the urge to scribble something most whenever I feel very passionate or after a very absorbing read. An absorbing read for me would be something like a leaf-blower through my brain, where the act of leafing through the pages sends the words and thoughts and ideas flying about in my head. Usually, really old stuff gets my juices flowing but lately all I ever get to read are japanese documents and advertisements.
But I think the numero uno reason why I've been putting off the creativity is because the primary role of writing for me has been fulfilled, elsewhere. And what is that magical role that makes my muse live and breathe and whisper her musings into my ear, through my heart and gush forth from my very fingertips, you may so predictably ask?
It is this: communication. I write most of the time to express certain feelings and concepts I consider either too personal for everyday smalltalk or too weighty for friendly discussions. Most of the stuff I narrate here are things that I definitely enjoy wondering about but I find too uncomfortable and awkward to broach in everyday conversation. Case in point, would you really appreciate me raving on a 20 minute rhetoric on how much I LOVE Joms? I didn't think so (though I'm sure Joms would feel otherwise).
Writing it down though puts things in a more conveniently paced and unrestricted atmosphere where I can pretty much say anything and everyone is inclined to agree, disagree or not comment at all. And the best part is, they do so on their own terms. I've rarely encountered this freedom in face-to-face conversations before --plus most of the time people keep interrupting me, haha-- so I've gotten used to escaping to my keyboard in the dark.
But now, I've learned to open up easily to everyone and be more vocal about how I feel and what I think and this has somehow disarmed the writer in me. Before anything literary congeals and erupts into an actual work, I instead participate and enjoy everyday dialogue in excess and the ideas seep-out slowly until, when I come home, I just sleep. As Ranier Maria Rilke said, "There is only one thing you should do. Go into yourself..."
Then again. I'm writing this post, aren't I? So maybe I just forgot how good it feels. Hmm, so much for excuses! Consider this the re-start of something not so new!
