recurring

Lately, things have been creeping back into my life. They take their devious routes from my long lost memories and invoke revenant emotions across my everydays. I wouldn't mind at all if it was glee they'd trigger in their passing, but their hooks keep snagging at my heartache.

I felt it worst during that LAE (law admission exam) debacle. Starting off with innocent delight for the coming challenge and promised oppurtunities, I wondered if I had felt the same way when I started off my computer degree. I don't remember though. Regret, pain and all the work seemed to have erased in me any naive ideas about changing the world through code and scripts.

It went even further when I arrived in UPD (UP Diliman) to take the exam. I put on this cheer when I talked with my fellow examinees, that same cheer which met my new friends 4 years ago during a certain freshmen orientation in UPM (UP Manila). The sheer joy of meeting people was eclipsed by the memory of the fated separations in those years.

The coup de grace was the exam itself. The glorified aptitude exam was a throbbing ache that started in your head and coursed down your spine to culminate in your fragile heart. The exam shattered any illusions in me of capability and worthiness; what kind of prospecting lawyer doesn't read the newspaper?

Anyway, what's done is done. I'm letting go of my worries now as I write these words as I often, and reasonably, do. I'm making way for the new worries of tomorrow, the memories poised to jar my shifty spirit.

I look forward to it though, seems like fate's heavy-handed gestures are more of an encouraging pat on the back than anything else. Sure, things can go wrong like ol' Murphy keeps mentioning, but I see as well the vista this road is leading me to. It's beautiful and it fills me with strength to endure. No bumps along the road, past or future, are gonna stop me from getting there.

Heck, maybe second time around, I might be able to do something blissfully right.

party eh

Nakuha ko na yung mag ni mish, at takte lang... sobrang pang-babae siya. Ok pa basahin yung cosmo kasi meron pa mga articles na mature at applicable sa lahat. Pero etong mag na to puro na lang sapatos, damit, make-up at advertisement ang pinagsasabi... PG pa kaya wala yung mga astig na pictorial ng mga model. Did I mention na mali-mali pa yung pagka-print dahil lahat ng single-quote naging blank na space: ' '.

Pero ang pinaka-pang-bwisit sa lahat e si heart yung nasa main article... buti na lang nakakatawa yung article ni mish kahit anlabo minsan nung tanong.

Speaking of money disappearing, muntik na ko ma-slash. Napansin ko lang ngayong umaga na yung shorts ko e merong slash sa front right pocket. I <3 those shorts at sana mabutasan ng salawal ang pangahas na nag-vandalize ng pinaka-komportable kung damit. At least walang nawala, pero nakakainis na, from now on, sa kaliwang bulsa na ko maglalagay. All because may timang na tao na walang trabaho at naisipan na lang butasan ako. %&#$&#.

Yung Happy Feet... eto lang talaga masasabi ko: kung natuwa kayo ng sobra sa trailer then go forth and spend your Php100+. Pero kung sa trailer pa lang ay na-curious lang kayo, e do not pursue. The only way you can enjoy the movie is if:

- you REALLY like penguins
- you're a sucker for mass dance sequences
- you REALLY REALLY like penguins.

I got my LAE permit and the exam is on sunday ng 1pm sa school of economics. Wish me luck na pumasa at nde ma-slash pati yung kaliwang bulsa.

trap me here

Worried? Heck, no. Just really excited. Excited enough to feel worried, but, thanks to my misplaced confidence, I still have yet to cross that threshold.

Tense? You got me there. If I was a lemon, I'd be twisted. If I was yarn, I'd be strung out. If I was myself, I'd just be really stressed out.

So spill onto me all yer words and worries, slice me open and rip out my racing heart and hurl it into the waves.

Pray, feign my spirit with thoughts and parry ardent cyclic speculations of next year onwards. I'm holding on to my hands lest they lash out and leave me incapable of writing, much less answering test questions.

free gigs!

Whoa, I wish I was subscribed on some kind of omnipotent events tracker so I can keep tabs on this great FREE stuff going on in the metro!

60 Years of Harmony: The Philippine-American Jazz Festival
RCBC / Greenbelt 3 / Roxas Blvd., November 17-19, 2006

A jazz fest! Wooot! And it's free! This weekend, hop on over to Makati and Malate for some good ol' rhythm and blues!

Cine Europa 2006
Edsa Shangri-la Mall - Cinema 1, November 9-19, 2006

Seems like Shangra-la keeps serving up choice morsels for the metro moviegoers. Yifee.

Just so it's official

Multiply 3.0 crushed my layout so here's to a fresh start! Here's a few things learned while stumbling around the new layout:

1) You can make multiple customizable filters in the "My Multiply Page" for easier navigation of your friends' posts.

2) Most Mainpage editing features are only available only in "Box View" layout:
- The "Hide Boxes" feature
- Editing the titles of your pages
- Editing the site title
- Editing the welcome note
- Drag the boxes around for customization.

3) To edit the site title, click the title area when the "click to edit" caption shows-up, then DO NOT move your mouse while editing your title. Make sure that you're in the "Box View" layout of your page.

NOTE: for people having problems with the new layout, go to http://multiply.multiply.com/journal/item/107 and read the comments for more tips.

Title art borught to you by Ben TempleSmith.

if i played golf, i'd suck

yeah, coz my follow-through sux.

and that's what worries me now, what gnaws at my college-education confidence and sets the butterflies in my tummy amok.

sure, we do our best and hope for that best. I just can't help but wonder if things are going too smoothly. Lately, things have started falling into place again like a video of a vase breaking, run backwards. I'm fucking scared I'd mess things up!

i still got hope though, and a handful of faith to get me through this week and find the resolution for the garble of stuff. Just gotta breathe in, breathe out and relax.

this is a beginning. Just gotta stick with it, follow-through and let the optimism flow.

7 Songs

I got a tag from my sis, monicai.

List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to.

Songs I Really Enjoying Listening/Jamming/Humming Now?

1. Motion City Soundtrack - Better Open the Door
   
2. Zero 7 - Destiny
   
3. Corinne Bailey Rae - Put Your Records On
   
4. Percy Sledge - Make An Ugly Woman Your Wife
   
5. Mojofly - Tumatakbo
   
6. Dashboard Confessional - Stolen
   
7. Deathcab by Cutie - I Will Follow You Into The Dark
   

Tagging anyone who reads this.

Omnia Vanitas

Gusto ko sana isipin na hinde talaga ako vain, na gusto ko lang na maayos at disente lahat. Pero nitong huling mga linggo, hindi na ko sigurado.

Nagsimula lahat sa allergy. Ilang linggo na din ako namumula dahil sa di-maipaliwanag na rason at kung covered pa rin ako ng medical plan ng mom ko, siguro nagpunta na ko agad sa doktor. Kaso nga hindi na ako pwede makalibre sa mga check-up at ang nakakainis pa eh pa-bugso-bugso ang pagtatampo ng aking balat: nandiyan at magpaplano na ko magpa-tingin, tapos mawawala at kakalimutan ko na lang.

Kutob ng ate ko meron lang akong kaso ng dry skin. 1 week ng makikay na kamo-moisturize bago matulog at mukha ngang naka-tsamba ang ate ko. Nanghihinayang lang ako sa gastos para sa moisturizer, nde na ba uso ang soap & water?

Dahil na rin sa laging nasa bahay, wala na yung mga puyat at commute na uubos sa calories na tuwang-tuwa ako ipunin. Kaya sinimulan ko nang maghanap ng mga pagbubuntungan ng oras at pawis: swim, lakad, bike, etc. Mala-triathlon ang dating pero ang habol ko lang talaga e hinde manghinayang pag nakikita ko yung mga Century Tuna commercials.

Pero ang pinaka-matinding nagawa ko talaga para lang mag-papogi e dahil sa isang t-shirt. Malaki na ako ngayon at hinde ko na kelangan magpasama kay Mommy or kay Daddy para bumili ng damit, sa kaibigan na lang kasi mas relevant ang taste nila (lalo pa at biased ang parents sa itsura ng anak nila). Kasama ang mga buddies, nag-tripping kami tumingin ng damit sa kung saan saan at dun ko nakita ang t-shirt in question.

Maganda ang t-shirt at mahal. Ako na walang trabaho o suweldo ay walang karapatan mangarap at magkaroon ng porma. Gayunman, nagpakapal na lang ako ng mukha at bumalik kay Mommy at Daddy.

Like any good story, kelangan may catch: wala nang size sa Festival. Sige lang, meron naman siguro sa Makati.

Like any good story, kelangan may twist: wala na rin size sa Makati... or sa Rockwell sabi ng masungit at tamad na saleslady nakausap kong magtawag sa ibang outlet. I-tetext naman daw ako ng shop sa ATC kapag nakahanap sila ng size sa ibang outlet; tahimik pa rin ang cellphone ko hangang ngayon.

Like any good story, mag-pupursigi ang main character: binuksan ang inaalikabok na PLDT Business Directory at inisa-isa ko ang Megamall, Robinson's Manila, SM Manila. Wala na din daw.

Like any great story, good ending naman: tinopak akong tawagan ang malayong outlet sa SM North at meron daw silang size... dalawa pa. 3 hours of commute later, nakuha ko na ang pinagdidiskitahan na t-shirt.

Masaya kong ini-hanger ang t-shirt sa kuwarto ko, tumatawa dahil sa sobrang sabog kong priorities.

Waiting for a movie

It's not that the movies in this season actually suck, although they do sorta lack a certain glamour. The real problem is that all the long-awaited movies are showing up next year and, much to the dismay of current movies, all their trailers are hitting audiences now.

I'd love to watch Scarlet Johansson in "Scoop" and "The Prestige" (both very good from what I've seen from the trailers; a definite DVD acquisition) but I got overrun by the buzz on "TMNT", "HP5", "Spiderman3" and, of course, "A Scanner Darkly" (notice how I didn't mention "Casino Royale").

Anyway, to remedy this lack of theatre enthusiasm, here are some movies to look out for in the (hopefully) very near future:

LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
- A sundance entry. You can't go wrong with an indie movie with Steve Carell in it!

HARD CANDY
- A UK horror/suspense film that's getting great reviews (not to mention it's got that cool Asian chick from Grey's Anatomy: Sandra Oh). Can't wait for it to hit Philippine shores.

A SCANNER DARKLY
- The much anticipated film from Richard Linklater, director of "Waking Life". Although this one has Keannu Reeves in it, it's not a romance movie so I'm willing to bet the price of an admission ticket that it's good.

curry head

A 2-minute indie horror movie. I guess you could say it's an Indian indie since there's curry involved.