»» the great fixer upper

i guess i've got a lot in my hands. besides fixing my room, i still have to fix this place, and through countless FAQs, random clicking and luck, i found where i can post my own bg. yifee. the color scheme's next and im not feeling up to the challenge. better start reviewing on those complimentary color watchamacalits.

and on gaming news? a tad depressed, not been able to find time for tekken this last week since the only time i have free is lunch breaks and i spend those eating(big suprise). its only a matter of time before those arcade junkies get used to my big fluffy panda and i lose my "ha! you didn't see that coming coz you've never fought a panda before!" advantage.

the online gaming scene isn't looking to fun either since most of the people in gunbound seems to be so stuck up with their new trajectory calcuting skills. the constant streams of "asa ka pa, boy" and "b0b0" isn't working very well with my nerves. the urge to actually hurl something 70degrees into the air in the direction of said stuck up pr*ck for real comes to mind, but i dont have a wind speed measuring thingie so i'd probably just hit some poor unexpecting ground somewhere, or at the worst, me.

will continue to waste precious internet time downloading mp3s and making the most out of Ares before its defunct. and o yeah, need to look into RSA encryption and Health Informatics journals, coolness. watermelons are still up for sharing.

»» rub eyes

mad dash to school, with a blockmate of mine informing me of class 30min late. owel, at least the internet is free. download frenzy!!!

Frank Sinatra - Somewhere Beyond The Sea Lyrics

Somewhere beyond the sea
Somewhere waitin' for me
My lover stands on golden sand
And watches the ships that go sailin'

Somewhere beyond the sea
She's there watchin' for me
If I could fly like birds on high
Then straight to her arms I'd go sailin'

It's far beyond the star
It's near beyond the moon
I know beyond a doubt
My heart will lead me there soon

We'll meet beyond the shore
We'll kiss just as before
Happy we'll be, beyond the sea
And never again I'll go sailin'

***INSTRUMENTAL BREAK***

I know beyond a doubt,
My heart will lead me there soon
We'll meet, I know we'll meet
Beyond the shore
We'll kiss just as before
Happy we'll be, beyond the sea
And never again I'll go sailin'

(No more sailin')
(So long sailin')
(Byebye sailin')


... fark, i still dont know what tags are for. ahaha... bewildered as usual.

»» and oh yeah...

and...

4) fixed this god d*rned place. maghahanap na ko maayos na pic na paglalay-outan. cguro meron dto nakatambak sa pc somewhere. as proof of frustration, nag-tagalog na ko. hay buhay.
5) nde na magpupuyat. pramis.

tsaka nga pala, rant lang...

yung isang friend ko nagpopost na rin pala dto sa lj uli, ahaha, nauso. sarap cguro mag comment sa kanya kaso nagmukha naman ako stalker.. amp*ta, anlabo kasi ng sitwasyon. sana balang araw, parang maging normal na lang ang lahat. mahirap ba yun hingin? nde naman siguro. kaso malabo mga tao e. suot ka na nga salamin dali.

at kung ikaw na nagbabasa e napaisip na ikaw ang na-stalk ko, ahahaha! kapal mo lang. eh ikaw nga tong nakatingin ngayon sa post ko eh, so quits na tayo. pero mauna ka na cguro magcomment. tsaka bigyan mo na rin ko link nung kanta "si nemo"... parang astig eh, tsaka yung "pretend that i dont love you"... parang luma na eh.. sentiiii... sy*t. kaso tinatamad ako hanapin.

spekin op wich, up and running na pala yung Ares ko. kala ko magbabayad pa ko subscription, nde naman pala, buti na lang. medyo in $ yung bayad eh. pinoy lang po ako, mahal na mag-arcade ngayon, magbabayad pa ko para sa mga mp3s ko.

eto na lang, astig na kanta.. pero la ko mp3.. fak. magbabago rin yan, pramis.

One by Three Dog Night

One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do
Two can be as bad as one
It's the loneliest number since the number one

No is the saddest experience you'll ever know
Yes, it's the saddest experience you'll ever know
`Cause one is the loneliest number that you'll ever do
One is the loneliest number, worse than two

It's just no good anymore since she went away
Now I spend my time just making rhymes of yesterday

One is the loneliest, number one is the loneliest
Number one is the loneliest number that you'll ever do
One is the loneliest, one is the loneliest
One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do
It's just no good anymore since she went away
(Number) One is the loneliest
(Number) One is the loneliest
(Number) One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do
(Number) One is the loneliest
(Number) One is the loneliest
(Number) One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do


... yoko na tlaga magcomplain. la naman maganda napapala sa kaka-complain e. pero minsan, yun na lang tlaga magagawa mo eh. penge naman pakwan. share tayow.

back again

oh wow, been awhile since the last post... seeing as the last one is all about the first week in rome. owel, in the spirit of NOT picking things up where things left off...

i'm back in the BE-AU-TI-FUL shores of the philippine islands and its great to be back, although there are a few things i wish weren't the case when i got back:

1) i didn't get to save any euros. goodbye to the power of foreign currency.
2) the in[tolerably]sane heat. i underestimated tropical weather, curse you precipitation and humidity!
3) trouble in the home, nothing like coming back from a vacation to be met by worries at your very doorstep

... owel, i can't complain. this vacation was a blast and it put in me a "come what may" kinda attitude (bring it on, fate!) and a need to improve things around the old workplace. changes in my life will involve:

1) cleaner, tidier, neater room. goodbye old boxes! hullo to space!
2) no more wasting time. if i had a penny for everytime i diddle-daddled... i'd have penny's.. hihihi

... the list is bound to get longer, but for now, i better keep things simple. wouldn't want to over shoot things. and o yeah...

3) find a copy of the "red curtain trilogy"

... its a dvd and i want it. or maybe at least get to see romeo+juliet and strictly ballroom, that'll tide me over till when i get to buy this thing. hope that's not too far off in the future.

rome-ing

ok, ok, this is kinda required and im very tired so dont hope for anything too complete. i do have pics to fill in the gaps but i still have yet to reduce the size of the pix for easier viewinng

anywayz... here we go..

we started off int he airport, like most trips. there was an unbearably long line for the plane we were gonna take(which was a flight to dubai, probably because it was the first flight of three that went to rome and i guess we all know why everyones on their way there.

the plane ride was great, ralph told us that the plane was one of the newer ones and it was good too, we were gonna need every kind of luxury to last through 12hrs worth of sitting in a chair. I waded through 2movies, 2ep of drewcarey, 1cut phantomoftheopera and 2 meals. Airline food wasnt so bad after all, what they lacked in quality, they took up in quantity. The highlight of the trip was the view, manila never looked so small to me, the whole city was just a bunch of lights and hiways, with casino filipino being the only thing recognizable from the air.

at dubai we had to burn 4hrs waiting for the connecting flight to milan, we looked around and took pictures of the airport. it was actaullly more of a mall than an airport coz of all the decorations. while waiting for the connecting flight, i found out some of my sisters moisturizer spilled... it was disgusting in my bag for awhile, but it was worth it for the laughs.

the flight to milan was uneventful, more movies and this time we were in the aisle seat so no views either. there were 3 of us and the aisle seats were made up of 4. i was the one the ended up beside the other passenger, he wasnt so bad except that he was really big and he laughed a lot, although that wasnt so bad either since iw as laughing along with him, we were actually watching the same thing most of the time. and yeah, we were stuffed with food the whole trip.

we waited awhile in milan for the 3rd and last flight to rome, we spent the time talking to this priest that was stationed in papua new guinea talking about etymology and the upcoming marriage of prince charles. we eventually got on the plane and found out the wait took so long coz of a mix up on which gate we were supposed to wait at. the palne ride was also uneventful, except for ralph actaully lying on the seat since we can take up the whole 4 aisle seats(the passenger beside me was only heading for milan).

at rome, we were welcomed by ralphs father and we breezed through customs. at luggage pickup we found out that macky's luggage was still somewhere in dubai. he wasn't too bothered though since the staff there seemed to have a procedure for lost baggage and assured us we'll get the luggage in a day. macky will get $50 for everyday his luggage is delayed... actually he was supposed to get 70euro but ralph checked in the luggage under his name.. we still dont know if the delayed luggage will be covered by the insurance.

we took a car driven by ralphs mom to their house in via cologne, we rested a bit there and gethered up one nights worth of clothes and scooted on over to the phil. embassy to stash our stuff. we were in hurry to get to the chapel of santa maria del popolo where a mass for filipinos was going to start.

GMA was there and i managed to get a pic, as well as shots of the chapel. did i mention that it was friggin cold? it really was and i was unlucky enough to wear only a shirt and my least warmest jacket on that trip. i ate a pizza that had a fried egg in it in a quaint little ristorante and had dessert at this gelati at san crispino, noted to serve the best gelati in rome.

yeah, the honey gelati was to die for... i plan to get another before we left. and we were lucky enough that the guy in the store was filipino, he treated us to gelati. we scooted on over to the trevvi fountain, shivering on our way there. i borrowed some filipino coins from macky(since using euros there would be an absolute waste) and wished. we got our pictures taken by this really nice japanese girl.

we then went on over to the phil. emabassy stationed near vatican city to spend the night. we had to forget about grabbing our bags coz we didnt have much time. we had to wade through crowds of sleeping bags and polish people hoping to get first seats in the mass to be held for the pope tomorrow morning.

after an hour of wading, we eventually got to the embassy and slept on the carpet immediately, the whole lack of sleep thing catching up.

the enxt morning, we woke up pretty early to the sight of mobs of people crowding around vatican city. we jumped in and got stuck for 4hrs in the crowd. by about 7.30, we got into the vatican city with out yellow tickets. we found a seat somewhere near the altar(good enough to have a clear shot of the coffin) and waited for the mass to start.

the mass itself was beautiful, it was tedious but the latin singing managed to wake me up through most of it. we got to see the coffin of the pope and luckily i still had battery for the shots. somewhere in between, we saw john carey and valentinothe designer. we also saw jessica soho who interviewed us a bit on how we were enjoying our trip.

after the mass we went to another ristoranti for breakfast of antipasti and some pasta and went on over home to sleep sleep sleep dinner sleep sleep. and finally got here, cleaning up emails and stuff.

wow, will post more when more stuff happens. later!

wow, its been awhile, nothin' like great weather and bonding with old friends to rekindle that "i wanna do something worth doing" spirit.

although posting personal rants on some site isnt really nobel prize material, i kinda miss this (hopefully) long talks with myself. i probably got the whole college thing to blame for not having any space left in my brain to contemplate life and shit. sad to say, most of where you'd normally find the philosophical stuff in my head has been replaced by the everyday matters of college "to do's".

ah well, thats life, you just cant help but be swept up by all the things thats happening in the present. and not just the things, but also the duties, responsibilities and promises we like to give but usually find so hard to keep.

now thats funny, i use "we" in the previoes statement when actually its probably just me finding it hard to fulfill promises. i guess my priorities are screwed up, now that im on a "live by the day" frame of mind.

i just feel so dead, i keep doing stuff out of need, not want. it drains you, when you get out of bed just for the sake of being able to do something else. i just wanna do something meaningful, and sadly i havent been getting much of that these last few months.

~sigh~, well heres hopin things will start lookin up soon... ... ... i need a vice XD

»» by god, i'm turning things around!

nothin' else makes you feel like doing your best than lookin' forward to gloating(and maybe seeing perfection up close and personal). i really don't know from which preppy hole this feeling came from, for all i know, maybe one of those self-motivating books lying around grew legs and crammed itself up-wise my earlobe.

well, watever the reason, i'm suddenly all up for exams, exercises, excursions, e(x)tc. not that i wasn't so motivated before, i just feel that nowadays i've grown too aloof and "happy-go-lucky" as my friend put it. well, aloof my ass! im goin' out to town for an oppurtunity grabbin' spree!

»» risking it!!

"nah, why risk it?" a friend of mine commented firmly as we discussed love and life along the heavily congested roads leading home. "its too low, the probablity of success, when you actually try to find love. so why bother?" he says, while i stare out the window, trying to remember the stuff that turned me into the generic hopeless romantic.

yeah sure, love-hunting is risky. simply becuase unlike money spent on investments, emotions are the currency exchange for matters of the heart. these emotions are by far more fragile and precious than any other things humans have got to offer. money is easily found, a good ~ehem~ & wealthy friend, a good job, maybe even giving parents, theres a lot more places where ou can get "bread". but what of emotions?

when you invest emotions in something you do, it ceases to be an object, an act, a thought. it becomes a possesion, a will, a care. when invested emotions go wrong, the reimbursement is a pain. but not just any pain easily cured by a few shots or a bonk in the head. damaged emotions when returned is a wound beyond the medicative reach of any conventional medicines, a sort of pang deep inside that you gotta handle yourself.

oh sure. you got understanding friends, loving parents, a very caring significant other. but it wont be enough, they didn't go the extra mile like you did, they didn't throw their care out the window like you did, they didn't get hurt like you did. they didnt get hurt BAD like you did.

maybe this is why first love never dies. when you first love something so deeply and truely, you leave it all behind and just let yourself fall into it. not having felt hurt, betrayal, dissapointment, you innocently plod on and on until you get to the end. good or bad, you gave it your all, because you thought, just like in the movies, you'll get the good ending.

if you did, congrats, if not... it'll never be the same. it'll always be there, the creeping fear up yuor back, the nagging doubt whispering its "if's" and "if not's". your emotions are fragile, and you don't want them getting hrut all over again.

but thats what makes it great! expending your emotions like extra french fries. when you send those emotions out, you get that chance to find that happiness some people call love. however small or miniscule the chance maybe, it's the only way you can fall in love. And if you do and everything finally goes well, well, let's just say i've been informed it's well worth the work.

»» the table turned

How the hell do you handle love? I mean when it's incoming instead of well... outgoing. I'm having a hard time with it really. A hard time probably because of getting used to falling head over heels for someone else faster than I can sanely handle. Always considering how to do the approach and stuff like that. It never really occurred to me how the hell it would feel the other way around.

It's awkward business actually, when someone else falls in love with you. The moment these feelings come to your attention, everything changes. It doesn't feel right anymore, it's as if everything you do from this point onward will have some kind of degree of risk. You now have to dance around someone else's heart, careful not to step on anything too fragile.

But it's great though, in it's own sordid way. There this whole new boost to your self-esteem, when you know someone out theres probably scribbling your name somewhere. Yeah, it's a situation that can definitely be taken advantage of.

So, whats there to be done? To someone who you never thought would come into the picture? Do you hitch along with the ride and see where it takes you? Or reject, since you never really felt anything before, probably never feel anything more. How do you know that when you reject it's not driven by fear? Fear of getting hurt again, forgetting that trouble makes love all the sweeter. When you accept, how do you know you aren't just settling with what you have. Tricking yourself that you don't deserve anymore than what you have, that you don't deserve what you had or ever will.

For me, I'd say, "Go then, with an open mind and an honest heart and hope to God that's enough."

»» wahehehe.. the klutz that i am

just now, in my post-ransacked room, i realize how much of a klutz i really am.

tomorrow is enrollment and with the usual long lines, noisy crowds and stress, there's the issue of paperwork. well, i nearly ended up not having any, paperwork i mean, and god only knows what kind of hell i would have brought upon myself if i hadn't found this one page. sigh. funny, how something that can be so easily lost(thrown, eaten, burned, blown etc...) could be so important. stuff like these should have cases, chains, signs or something.

well, just like this piece of paper that holds so much importance to me, so have i lost my heart (eww.. i'll try to un-cheese this as much as possible).

i remember there was a point in time when i thought i was in love, i remember it was great, wonderful in fact. and i guess, i really was in love. it didn't work out though.

after that, there was this point of "what the hell happened?!?!", and i sorta stumbled through that. didn't do well for my grades though but i still managed. a great deal of thanks to great friends of course!

and now i find myself here... love-less still but i think a bit wiser. love, as it turned out, is very complicated. love could mean so many things to people. it could be solace or company or even pain.

but for me, love i think is a drive. its a drive to become something, i mean someone, better than yourself. its a choice to be bigger and more more open minded about what we do. its a change of perspective and priorities for sure, maybe a change for the better or for the worse, but a change based on what we currently think is what's right.

even though i feel no stirrings of the heart or what not, i miss it. and in missing it, i remember how it felt, this certain buzz that makes everything i do a little more "life-full". and here i am, i realize that maybe i don't have to love someone... maybe just being in love, doing things just because it makes me better for myself and for others, is just as good. you could say i'm falling in love with someone i haven't met yet.

he-he, you never know, maybe someday, all this pent up love of mine will be worth something to someone. until then, i guess looking for love is just the same as forcing it and love is certainly something you don't want to force.

yeah.. as it turns out, i found my heart again. i just would like to say sorry to a friend of mine. in that time when i was, hmm, for a lack of a better word, "heart-less", i hurt someones feelings. you see, i was beeing as honest as i can, but friends in need don't need honesty, they need help, a listening ear, a caring heart, a shoulder, etc. i wasn't that. i was confused and i said somethings i didn't mean and now, although me and my friend are still cool around each other.. there's this wall now. sigh...

i am klutz, in my things and in my life. people say though that realizing there's a problem is the first step to fixing it so i guess it ain't that bood. things are bount to look up.. hooray for me then!