recurring

Lately, things have been creeping back into my life. They take their devious routes from my long lost memories and invoke revenant emotions across my everydays. I wouldn't mind at all if it was glee they'd trigger in their passing, but their hooks keep snagging at my heartache.

I felt it worst during that LAE (law admission exam) debacle. Starting off with innocent delight for the coming challenge and promised oppurtunities, I wondered if I had felt the same way when I started off my computer degree. I don't remember though. Regret, pain and all the work seemed to have erased in me any naive ideas about changing the world through code and scripts.

It went even further when I arrived in UPD (UP Diliman) to take the exam. I put on this cheer when I talked with my fellow examinees, that same cheer which met my new friends 4 years ago during a certain freshmen orientation in UPM (UP Manila). The sheer joy of meeting people was eclipsed by the memory of the fated separations in those years.

The coup de grace was the exam itself. The glorified aptitude exam was a throbbing ache that started in your head and coursed down your spine to culminate in your fragile heart. The exam shattered any illusions in me of capability and worthiness; what kind of prospecting lawyer doesn't read the newspaper?

Anyway, what's done is done. I'm letting go of my worries now as I write these words as I often, and reasonably, do. I'm making way for the new worries of tomorrow, the memories poised to jar my shifty spirit.

I look forward to it though, seems like fate's heavy-handed gestures are more of an encouraging pat on the back than anything else. Sure, things can go wrong like ol' Murphy keeps mentioning, but I see as well the vista this road is leading me to. It's beautiful and it fills me with strength to endure. No bumps along the road, past or future, are gonna stop me from getting there.

Heck, maybe second time around, I might be able to do something blissfully right.