Copywriters! Look Now and Forever be Shamed!

With all the rage for discounts afforded by such upstarts as Ensogo, Pakyaw, etc., we forget that one of the first enterprises into en-masse purchasing was Groupon. So it took me by complete surprise that for a more senior company, they'd have such sordid write-ups.

So, to illustrate, let's play a short game: GUESS THAT PROMO!

1. Often used for concealing withered love letters or slices of deli meat, books also make for handy spots to place noteworthy photos while ensuring minimal mold growth. Preserve life’s captured moments in a portable and rodent-repelling format with today’s Groupon
2. Some things in life were just made for each other: Jack and Jill, gin and tonic, dentists and stress, fun and exercise. Enjoy a new set of yin and yangs with today’s Groupon
3. The pen may be mightier than the sword, but when it comes to ending wars and winning ladies’ hearts, the beer mug has proven to be mightier. Pour a glass of sweet liquid courage with today’s Groupon
4. Appreciating the grandeur of the ancient times means discovering that Jose Rizal was your mother’s sister’s neighbor’s father’s cousin-in-law, that the wagging of a tyrannosaurus’ tail triggered hurricanes, and that you were a cotton bud in your past life. Tread on to an asylum of rich history and unravel the great has-been with today’s Groupon
5. Smile and frown lines occur naturally through life’s ups and downs, while crow’s feet are caused by avian Broadway shows performed on facial stages during sleep. Pull the curtain on wrinkles with today’s Groupon
6. Finding a box of goodies on your doorstep is preferable to finding cell phone bills and pieces of trash. Clog your front door with chocolate treats to prevent bills from arriving with today's Groupon
7. Though musicians often see it as a crude xylophone twig and little trick or treaters regard it as a great way to spruce up an innovative Halloween costume, whether as bunny ears or lengthy fangs, the more practical person would simply see two wooden pencil-like objects as a pair of chopsticks. Utilize the tool to its fullest with today’s Groupon
8. In the medieval ages, citizens who did not feel well would resort to visiting castle jesters and fools to receive what they thought were the best medicine which weren’t effective at all. Celebrate the fancy medical thingamajigs of the future with today’s Groupon
9. Adding water results in less floury biscuits, larger foam dinosaurs, and a potential mermaid swimming party. Douse yourself in smooth-moving good times with today's Groupon
10. In the 17th century, weary men were always found meddling with the cuckoo clock, attempting to make its hands turn counterclockwise and drab women constantly curled up in aluminum bins, thinking those were time machines. Turn back the hands of time sans old-age, crass measures with today’s Groupon

And the answers!!!

1. Photobook
2. Dance course
3. Sports Bar voucher
4. Ilocos Tour
5. Botox
6. Box of truffles
7. Donburi rice bowl
8. Physical Exam
9. Stay at Santiago Bay Garden Resort
10. Anti-aging solution

So did you get them right? No? Are you wondering if the writers were high? If yes, that makes you and me both. I mean seriously, mentioning garbage for a truffle advert. Dude.

Then again, there are only so many ways you can describe food and derma-treatments--even less if it has to sound interesting!