Apples-A-Day

Don't they say it's a healthy habit to regularly look for new jobs--once a year at least? It's the professional equivalent of the apple-a-day rule, and just as neglected. Well, I, almost 3 years-strong at my current job, finally took to the streets and answered the call. But truth be told, I was going there for a lot of reasons. The most truthful of which I haven't told my family, Joms, or even the interviewer--though he did ask.

When I said "answered the call", I meant literally. Blindsided during the afternoon lull when digestion reigned and work crawled, stopped, and slept in several places, I got a call from a pleasantly voiced lady named Clave. She politely offered that I have been endorsed for a technical interview and that they hoped I could stop by tonight to start things along.

I was wearing a bright fuchsia--I googled the correct spelling several times and have now memorized it, grudgingly--collared-shirt, dark jeans, and gray sneakers. I was decently clothed, my shirt fit me quite well, but was by no means prepared for an actual interview. Plus, I had a Rudolph going on from all the accumulated late nights, and my mess of a hair was quite rabid that day.

I said I couldn't make it--next week-Monday at the earliest--but changed my tune when I thought about it a little more. One, I don't have to dress-up. No more need to go through that retarded office drama when everyone notices your unconventionally dapper look and chide "Nax, interview?" Two, I'm not exactly super-psyched to get this job. On the contrary, this is more of a diagnostic than an actual committal. And Three, I was wearing fuchsia--memorable is always a good trait to have in an interview.

So I went/walked from Makati commercial, past 6750, through Locsin and Shang, weaved past the home-journers and found myself with Lapu-Lapu. He bravely stood there. He could afford it, he's not heading to a shotgun interview across the street. With an icy tingle down my spine, I traversed the crossroads: cleanly clothed, a bit ruffled from walking, but with a bit of the optimistic gleam in the eye. Swell.

I met Clave after a I've had the leisure of observing their wooden motif and corporate ambiance. She said hello and reminded me to stay on my toes. This is a technical interview after-all. I panicked a bit and pulled out my trusty laptop, and looked up some more stuff they probably won't ask me but would help calm my nerves.

We finally talked, Joel and I, inside their consistently decorated glass-and-wood conference room, tastefully dimmed a dull yellow while the sky grew darker outside. He looked respectable in his blue-checkered shirt. He was also quite friendly, his hair tossed around casually and a bit of the stubble suggested a relaxed demeanor. But he was definitively smart as, decisively, he ran through my resume. I quickly learned we were mismatched.

He was techie, knowledgeable and condoning. Catch is, I was applying for the job to do a little something he didn't have anything at all to do with. He said it was hush-hush, so he'll just ask me the fundamentals. In retrospect, it was actually a fun interview. It feels really nice to talk with someone in your field who is more competent than you but just as equally enthused. Makes you feel, in the truest sense of the word, professional.

We concluded, and he asked me time-frame and asking salary. I proposed the humble 30-day notice, and the brazen 2x modifier. "Negotiable!" I recanted after he wrote it down. Looking at the paper, his writing looked like an appended note to a car estimate. I bulked, smiled, and reduced, citing that I don't want to come across as over-confident.

I walked out of there, remembering what I said about diagnostics and healthy careers. But I guess the snag in ocular inspections is when you see something you like. And, walking alone down the length of Makati Avenue, I afforded myself to dream a little dream where I would walk this very street every weekday with that salary in my pocket and a slick suit on to wow the ladies and charm the gents.

It is a nice dream, but that wasn't the reason I was searching elsewhere. I said in the interview I was looking to develop my skills strategically in their company--which means gimme Java--but the heart of the matter is: I am disillusioned.

There was a time when I loved NEC. And the epitome of that dream would be to be assigned to Japan for a period: a few months, 2 years, 'til I've developed Stockholm syndrome. But when it did happen, when I was at the very cusp of it, I realized I can't have that anymore. I had other priorities now that must be weighed when it comes to indefinite out-of-country transits, and they mostly weigh against.

Knowing this, I wasn't unhappy. But being in a company where I know the best it can offer, the best opportunities to be had, are now unattainable, that broke my heart. To avoid conflicts of interest, I must forever be moderate, satisfactory, menial, conventional.

I found myself in a race I can't afford to win. So I'm just walking now, down the length of another city avenue, wondering what the doctor would say with my professional malaise. More apples?