on Gengoroh Tagame

As the elevator doors finally drew open, I had to take a deep breath before I could step into the murky waters ahead. It was 5 minutes before 6 on the evening of Gengoroh Tagame's talk here at the community center, and I was a bundle of nerves.

I found Tagame back in highschool--through Altavista or some defunct search engine, no doubt. After the perfunctory age check, the webpage led to a sparse bundle of japanese and english text and hyperlinks listed against a black background. It was spartan, and my dial-up had no trouble serving it up. A few clicks deeper led me to the galleries which had samples of his drawn work. They were raunchy and explicit, filled with brusque men in imaginative poses and situations.

For context, my exposure to gay media prior was limited to fanfiction written by school girls (which meant a chapter dedicated to cuddling), and the few sketches of androgynous men (Hiei & Kurama was all the rage that time) holding hands or almost kissing--in pastel colors.

Compared to that, Tagame was uncharted territory; I've never imagined homosexuality could be so rough, passionate, and hairy. A part of me liked it. In a time when I haven't found my own strength yet, I found refuge in the possibility of strength. Difference did not signify weakness in this world, you simply just had to do what needed to get done.

I felt empowered, and dreamed of becoming that kind of man who was capable of anything--the world be damned. Little did I know that I've learned a valuable lesson here, a Japanese lesson: a man is measured by his capability. Society will always have its judgement, but character is proven by action. And merit through deeds is indisputable.

I opened the door to the community center, and I was surprised to find it filled with men of varying ages. And up in front, the bear of a man that is Gengoroh Tagame sat with an easy smile, a delicate paper fan in hand. He talked about his experience of being a homosexual in Japan, and his travails around the world as his work found its renown. He was all-throughout cheerful, despite the thick beard and dragon that adorned his black shirt. And he always had something funny to say which he'd end with hearty giggle and a twinkle in his eye.

After the talk, I asked him what I could do to learn more about Japanese Gay culture, and with a laugh, he simply said to buy more of his books. If the past is any indication, it was sound advice.

Photo: 田亀源五郎