hajime

For something that I've dreamed of for far too long, I don't feel as excited about this whole migrating to Japan thing as I thought I would be.

Though admittedly, there are those stray moments that assault me with such vicious joy from such ordinary things like kids on the subway, the stray smile of the cashier at the chicken place, or even the bright neon signs that light the last street home.

Such high points are fairly common for someone who's new, I would think. Novelty is fun and all, but by definition, fleeting.

Plus, there's also the whole commotion of living on my own. Having been sent to Cebu and Japan previously, I've already become familiar with spending time far-away from everything that is familiar. This would be the first time though to be apart for such a long time. There's also this part of me that understands that this parting is final. Reading my contract would say this would be a 3 year stint--hardly short, but not indefinite--but I know I'll be staying for a while longer.

I do not know how, but I cannot deny that my very soul acknowledges the truth in this sentiment. I do not know myself well enough to define why, but I've lived long enough to trust these inner rumblings. This inner compass of mine has lead me true, so far.

So why am I here, after all? To live out the Japanese dream. So how do I know I'm living it?

Experiencing the dream in hindsight is a rare opportunity. From this vantage point, and with utmost honesty, I would say I don't know yet.

I would assume that finding out would be a happy adventure.