A friend of mine has started talking to me again. He probably looked for me simply because the usual ears to his stories weren't around that day. Plus, I was leaving the company soon, so these remaining friendships should be rekindled somehow if they were to last the time and distance.
For a background, he's a really nice guy, a strange mix of panache and frankness that allows him to be forthcoming always and offending, never. A genuine altruist. Not simply because he is the friend of everyone, but because he subscribes to that word's truest(dictionary) meaning: a person unselfishly concerned for or devoted to the welfare of others. He never says no to any requests and he goes out of his way to cheer you up. The world would be better if there more guys like him, or at least there would be more smiles in the world.
The obvious drawback would be that there will always be those who take advantage of this, and that's how his sob story went. The details are irrelevant--and private, too--but what struck me was how matter-of-fact his anger was. He vented his frustration vocally and in a passive-aggressive manner of the worst kind. Though the guy deserved it, I couldn't help but cringe as he narrated every snide remark and banter.
I've encountered emotions like this before, and the pacifist--wuss?--in me would, time and time again, come up with some superfluous counter-argument: maybe he was naive or socially inept? maybe the guy had family issues? maybe he had diarrhea? And facing those stunned, hurt eyes after each admonishment put my constant positivity in its place: a quiet and accommodating place.
But the rankling confused me. Though I've seen people mad so many times, I still have yet to understand why. Of course, they tell me the reasons behind their acrimony, but what confounds me is: Why do they bother?
Nursing a hot temper is a purely destructive and inward effort--lonely, too. Still, I understand that emotions can't be controlled and, in those times, I wholly agree to heartfelt outrage. I just thought that, with age, people would be calmer about these things. I mean, aren't our grandparents such wonderful examples of calmness and genteel repose? What's so different from the vantage point of 60 years ahead of us?
I submit my humble theory: In life, there are only two things that people should exert effort for, and that is the pursuit of each of their individual happiness-es, and cleaning up the mess afterwards. Imagine what could happen if you channel all your passion, all your energy, and funnel it into your heart's desire. Where would you be now? How little does all else look when compared to that vision of how happy you could be?
Maybe that's what lola and lolo had in their heads. When death is imminent and time is a dwindling commodity, they let go of all else that could bring them down too. Free themselves from those baggages--rude jeeps, insolent kids, crazy governance--and just hold on fervently to those things that are so much more meaningful: grandkids, pancakes, and another morning.
I told my friend to just chill. He asked me if he overdid it, and I said he didn't, but he shouldn't try a stunt like that again. Cheer-up instead! Smiling is such a powerful--and mostly unexpected--act in any altercation. And most of the time, the one with the grin is the one that comes out ahead.
Eh? You make it sound like you've never been angry before. =] it's unavoidable, especially when it's something that violates the very core of yourself, like fingernails being scratched deliberately against a blackboard, it's almost a knee jerk reaction. And that's what makes a man a better man, controlled and not ruled by primal instincts. But then, no disrespect to grandparents, but sometimes the reason they're calm is not so much because they are more patient but more because they can no longer hear that excurciating scraping against the blackboard anymore...
ReplyDeletegelangenie said: And for grandparents, they do lose the ability to perceive higher pitches of sound. But for everything else, I'm not so sure. It's so easy to underestimate the old, and just as easy to be proven wrong.
ReplyDeleteThat's the thing, I'm not saying grandparents aren't all that you said they are but sometimes when it comes down to being pissed or not, elders would rather not get pissed because it takes more effort to get pissed than someone in his prime... This is hard yknow. Trying hard not to sound like an ass is hard.
fapri said: . And that's what makes a man a better man, controlled and not ruled by primal instincts.
ReplyDeleteThat's my point: control and temperance in all things emotional. I just couldn't wrap my head around how dramatic my friend was set-off. He's all nice and bubbly to everyone, but at the very mention of the offender, he gets all huffed-up and irritated, as if hit by a sudden allergy.I guess he's just the type of guy who's very vocal about how he feels, and really can't help being honest with every irk and feeling.And for grandparents, they do lose the ability to perceive higher pitches of sound. But for everything else, I'm not so sure. It's so easy to underestimate the old, and just as easy to be proven wrong.
hello dean! this story carries a good "food for thought" to someone i know. perhaps if that person in question happens to read this, he would have been really thankful. i look forward to more insightful views next time. take care buddy of mine :)
ReplyDeletevtingzon3 said: take care buddy of mine :)
ReplyDeleteYou, too. See you round ^_^
fapri said: elders would rather not get pissed because it takes more effort
ReplyDeleteonga naman. though from experience, if getting angry is too much effort, they go on protracted complaining fits, "Nung bata ako...", etc.
fapri said: good way to help them is to ask about movie stars of past.. not the more famous ones but the ones who are close to being forgot despite an oscar. madame x seems to be a particularly good one to jiggle their memories.. =]
ReplyDeleteHaha, sige, subukan ko yan. They do tend to smile a lot pag ganun. I always thought they were happy simply because they found a conversation which they're the expert on.
that can be explained. =] reminiscing has been known to release chemicals.. hence the seeming pleasure they seem to radiate when they go into their "fits". combine that with the fact that reminiscing is higher brain function which also helps stave off dementia... then maybe now you'll be more understanding when they go into that, yes? =]good way to help them is to ask about movie stars of past.. not the more famous ones but the ones who are close to being forgot despite an oscar. madame x seems to be a particularly good one to jiggle their memories.. =]
ReplyDelete